Ouija

Ouija is a 2014 horror movie about a group of idiot teenagers who unwittingly summon evil spirits just because they mess with a ouija board. I'm going to be completely transparent. In my opinion, this is probably one of the worst horror movies of the past ten years. A couple of performances worked well enough for me, I suppose. But, for the most part, the acting is just bland at best. As far as scares go, this is a film that solely seems to rely on shitty jump scares. Every now and then, there might be one scare that almost works. Almost. Ok, there is one thing that really sinks this movie into being among the absolute dreck of horror. Let's talk about the film's twist ending. Our idiotic heroes make the assumption that for all of their nightmare to end, they have to set the spirit of a young girl free. The twist is: the little girl was the evil spirit all along. The ghost of the girl's mother was trying to prevent this from happening. Here's the problem. The mother's ghost is the actually doing most of the killing. So, when you really break it down and give it any genuine thought, this is a plot twist that actually creates plot holes. Honestly, just watch the prequel, and avoid this piece of dogshit at all costs. 

2 / 10 

Deep Blue Sea 3

 

Deep Blue Sea 3 follows a research team and a team of mercenaries as they each try to deal with the surviving sharks from Deep Blue Sea 2. The first thing I want to say is that this is a much better movie than Deep Blue Sea 2. While some of the acting in this still leaves a lot to be desired, it is a good deal better here. I also feel that the effects are noticeably better in this film as well. There are definitely some rough spots in terms of the effects, but the second movie also did them a lot worse too. I should also say I liked some of the characters in this one more than I liked the characters in the last movie too. None of that makes this a great movie by any means. There are some character and story beats that I did find pretty predictable. However, in this movie's defense, I don't really think it matters all that much. Quality-wise, I think I would put this about on par with the first movie. It's not something I would necessarily call good, but I did have fun with it. If you enjoyed the original movie,  I would say give this one a shot.

6 / 10   

Fantasy Island

Where do I begin? Hm. This was written and directed by the same people behind 2018's Truth or Dare. I think that should speak to this movie's overall quality. For much of the running time, this felt like it was going to be nothing more than a generic horror movie put out by the Blumhouse machine. However, the last twenty minutes actually gave me exactly what I wanted. This is a movie that offers up a couple of different twists. Neither of them really work. The first one feels like it was kind of just made up on the spot. The other is so indescribable that I just sort of screamed "What!?" when the credits started to roll. Naturally, I won't give spoilers. I will say that I actually do think the cast works well enough. Michael Rooker is probably my favorite part of the movie, and there honestly wasn't enough of him. A lot of the dialogue is laughably dated. One of the lines in this 2020 movie is two characters sharing the line "YOLO," something that hasn't been said unironically since probably 2013. If the whole movie was more like the climax, I probably would have recommended this as a fun kind of bad movie. Judging the movie as a whole, It's mostly just generic, and really not worth your time.

2 / 10    

Child's Play 2

 

Two years after the events of the first film, Andy Barclay is sent to live with a foster family. It doesn't take long before Chucky the killer doll returns to exact vengeance. Along the way, the doll leaves another trail of bodies. If the first film offered more of a mystery leading up to the reveal that Chucky was the killer, this movie lets Chucky off his leash. Therefore, there's more of a straight up slasher feel to this movie by comparison. I see it as a good thing because knowing Chucky is the killer throughout the entire thing means we actually get more of him. I absolutely love Brad Dourif in the role. I also really like that the movie puts some focus on a foster family. It's not something you really see that often in horror movies. The kills can also be pretty effective. I can think of two of them that are among my favorite Chucky kills of all time. Overall, I see Child's Play 2 as being pretty on par with the first film. It's a movie that actually continues the story of the first film, but doesn't feel entirely restricted by the exact same rules. It also doesn't entirely feel like a movie that does the exact same thing again. There is a little bit of that feeling, but nowhere near enough to ruin the movie by any means. 

8 / 10       

The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

 

The Human Centipede is a movie I have only watched once in my life. It's one of those movies where I watched it, felt like I got it, and felt no need to watch it again. Two young women break down, and go to the nearest house looking help. The home belongs to a rich doctor who ends up abducting them, and then stitches them together with another man to create a "human centipede." When I watched this film, I wondered to myself whether something like this was the director's fetish. This isn't a movie that is overly explicit. However, the idea is one of the few things I can think of that actually disgusted me while I watched. If there is one bright spot to this film, it would have to be Dieter Laser as the villainous doctor. He is the one actor I think understands the kind of movie he is involved in. The rest of the actors in the film are just bad, coming across as though they were plucked off the street and told they were going be in a movie. Overall, this is one of those movies I watched out of morbid curiosity when I was in high school, and immediately wondered what I had gotten myself into. No, I did not like this movie. No, I would not recommend this movie. 

2 / 10  

Deep Rising

A cruise ship on its maiden voyage finds itself attacked by a creature lurking in the deep. A team of mercenaries along with a hired ship crew also make their way on to the ship for initially devious reasons. Soon, the mercenaries, the cruise ship's surviving crew members, and the sole surviving passenger must do their best to survive in their current predicament. The first thing I will say is that the CGI is pretty rough. I can't necessarily speak to how good it might have looked when this movie came out in 1998. But, looking at it in 2020, it is not good. The movie doesn't always flow together super well. The mercenaries are there because the man who designed the ship wanted to sink it on its maiden voyage to collect insurance money. It feels there might have been a script involving that, and ended up being meshed together with a script for a monster movie. The result may not have been good, per se. But it was fun. This movie's greatest strength is its cast. In particular, I actually really Famke Janssen in the movie. She plays a jewel thief. But, she really works off of every one else amazingly well. Again, Deep Rising was fun, but flawed. 

7 / 10  

Random Acts of Violence

 Random Acts of Violence is a slasher movie directed and co-written by Jay Baruchel. The movie centers on a comic book creator named Todd, played by Jesse Williams. He and the rest of his creative team embark on a road trip in an effort to give Todd some creativity to end his comic book that was inspired by a real-life killer. Things take a turn for the worse when murders pop up that mirror Todd's comics. The first thing I want to note is that I'm actually curious to see what else Jay Baruchel can do as a director. I actually think that was one of this movie's greatest strengths. There's a sense of style in a lot of this movie that really did work for me. I also did enjoy the cast a good deal. I really think Jesse Williams in the lead works for me. Where I honestly think this movie could have been improved is in the satire. There seems to be an attempt to make fun of the idea that art creates violence and vice/versa' It isn't awful in this film. However, I think movies like Scream, or even Scream 2, just do it quite a bit better. It is interesting to note that this movie is based off of a limited run comic book. I should also note that I have not read the comic this movie is based on. Judging this movie on its own merits, I think it was decent. I can't recommend it to everybody, but I think there might be something there for hardcore slasher fans. 

6 / 10