Artemis Fowl

 

"I'm Artemis Fowl, and I'm a criminal mastermind." I wanted to highlight this line from near the end of this movie. I want to highlight it because none of Artemis Fowl's actions really make this line feel earned. There were a lot of other things in this movie, very few of them being good. For example, the special effects are shoddy, at best. I have no idea what kind of performances Josh Gad and Judi Dench were giving. The action felt small scale. There were only a couple of locations in this movie, mainly Artemis's house. The villain has no dimension to her. She feels like a complete afterthought (probably because Artemis Fowl himself is the main antagonist of the book). The one character I actually did enjoy was the Holly Short character. She had a backstory that actually helped you to understand her drive, her motivations. The pacing is quite poor too. I feel like a lot of the film's plot beats are rushed, just so this movie can fit into an hour and a half time frame. Overall, there was very little about Artemis Fowl that worked for me, and I could honestly see why Disney dumped this onto their streaming service rather than delay its theatrical release. If you do happen to come across this movie on Disney+, just go ahead and skip it. 

2 / 10   

Girl

 

Girl stars Bella Thorne in the title role as a young woman who makes her way to a small town with a score to settle. It doesn't take long before she learns that not everything is what it seems. Going in to this, I only knew the basic plot. I had an idea of what I expected the movie to be. So, when the plot beat I saw coming happened within the first third, I had reached a point where I wasn't entirely sure how things were going to progress. That said, there were still some pretty predictable elements to the movie's plot. Some of the more obvious plot beats are kind of where I would like to start. These moments are the main issue I have with the movie, though they are few and far between. I knew right away who was going to be the villain as soon as the character was introduced, and not just because of the actor playing the role. The movie's greatest strength is the acting, particularly Bella Thorne in the lead. Initially, I was a little bit worried. Those worries were put to ease as the film went on. Overall, Girl works because of its performances, and some legitimately good tension. It isn't a movie I see going down as a modern classic or anything, but it did keep me invested as I watched it. 

7 / 10  

Jiu Jitsu

 Jiu Jitsu is about a group of fighters chosen to do battle by an alien from another world. So, I saw the trailer for this movie about a month ago, and thought it looked like it could be some dumb, trashy fun. Yeah, that's pretty much what I got out of this movie. The character development is pretty thin. Most of these characters don't have much to them beyond the most basic aspects you can give them. What helps these characters out is that I actually like a lot of the actors, even if some of them felt a bit underused (looking at you Nicolas Cage). There are some characters here and there that, at least to me, didn't end up feeling like they had a point being in the movie. The special effects are mostly pretty bad. However, the action is probably this movie's saving grace. The action is genuinely well shot and entertaining enough. In many ways, you could call this a rip-off of Predator. The DNA is definitely there. Overall, this is a movie that's decent enough for killing an hour and forty minutes. You can just watch it, and not think too hard. This movie isn't anything special, but I don't think it necessarily needed to be either.

6 / 10  

Once Upon a Time at Christmas

 Two serial killers dressed Santa and Mrs. Claus wreak havoc on a small town while the police try their best to stop the killers. So, I was warned going in that this was going to be bad. Maybe that's why it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I mean, is it even fair to pick on a slasher movie for having subpar acting? Where this movie truly works for me is actually in the story. How the two killers work is actually kind of clever, and it legitimately took me a little while before I really understood where the story was going. Parts of it were predictable, of course. Aside from the acting, a lot of the dialogue is also pretty bad. The one actor I genuinely enjoy in this movie is the actor who plays "Santa." The man hams it up to just the right level for me. The characters are pretty thin. They aren't unlikable per se, but, most of them don't really do much to stand out for me. Yes, this movie is bad. But, I found it to be pretty enjoyably bad. If you are fan bad movies, and of off-kilter Christmas movies, there are honestly a lot worse you could go with. 

6 / 10  

Freaky

Freaky is about a bullied teenage girl (played by Kathryn Newton) who swaps bodies with a serial killer (played by Vince Vaughn). The movie is co-written and directed by Christopher Landon, who also wrote and directed the Happy Death Day movies. One of the first things about this movie I loved is that it takes that extra step and goes for the R rating. The kills are nice and gory. Of course, the two leads are really what make this movie work for me, especially Vince Vaughn. It is so entertaining to see him act like a teenage girl. I do think the movie does a solid job of mixing the horror and the comedy, even if I won't go so far as to say it's done particularly great. My one real issue with the movie is that I don't think it does the best job in terms of family dynamics. It seems like that's what Landon was going for. However, our protagonist spends more time with her friends than her own family. However, the other part of this movie is the protagonist learning to come out of her shell a little bit more, and come to terms with needing to speak up for herself. I actually think that part of the movie works pretty well. Overall, Freaky has some bumps here and there, but the overall result is fun little slasher comedy.

8 / 10  

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

 Let's talk about the biggest liar in the Friday the 13th franchise, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. As anyone who has ever seen this movie has undoubtedly pointed out, Jason does not take Manhattan. He takes a boat for 90 minutes, and farts around in New York for the last fifteen minutes. I have seen this movie a couple of times. Each time, one of the things that sticks out to me is that I just don't find it all that fun. More than anything, I find it kind of boring. Kane Hodder does play Jason in this movie, and is one of the very few things about this movie I actually genuinely like. I should also say that a couple of the kills in this movie as well. These are just a couple of things that actually work for me in a movie full of stuff I just find stupid. For eaxmple, I hate all of the stuff with Jason as a kid. The final girl in this movie is actually one of the least interesting final girls in the entire franchise for me. Yes, she has a backstory. If this movie were better written, I probably would have cared more. Overall, Jason Takes Manhattan is one of the least popular, and least liked, films in the Friday the 13th franchise, and for good reason. 

3 / 10 

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

In the third movie in the Indiana Jones franchise, Indy goes on a quest to find both the holy grail and his missing father. First of all, I love the chemistry between Harrison Ford and Sean Connery. Despite the two only having a twelve year age gap between them, they have a pretty believable father and son dynamic. It's honestly a big part as to why this is my favorite of the Indiana Jones movies. I also quite like the Elsa character. It's really the only time in this franchise where the love interest was also one of the villains. I also think it helped make her a little more memorable than the movie's primary villain. He's not bad. He just doesn't stand out to me as much some of the other antagonists in the franchise. As usual, the action set pieces are also a ton of fun. My personal favorite is the scene in Venice. Sure, this movie may be a bit more lighthearted than the second movie. However, I actually believe that is a point in this film's favor. Overall, I adore this film. The acting, the action, and the writing are all in top form. It really is the relationship between Indy and his father that serves as the heart of the movie for me. 

9 / 10