Woody Woodpecker

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So, this exists. I had no idea that this movie was a thing until I found it on Netflix. Naturally, I did a little research before watching it. I found out that it went to theaters in Brazil in 2017, but got a direct to video release in the United States last month. It was pretty much what I expected it to be. The writing, directing, and acting were all pretty poor. The story is completely hackneyed. A selfish, overworked, jerk father goes with his son and his equally selfish fiancé into the woods so he can build a house in the area. The titular woodpecker (who is obviously an effect, and not a very good effect at that) finds out about this and starts trying to sabotage the build. You meet a pretty wildlife expert pretty early on, and by the end, you know the father’s going to reconnect with his son, find common with Woody, and end up with the wildlife expert. I don’t necessarily want it to look like I’m spoiling the movie, but I guessed all of this by the 15 minute mark. It really wasn’t that hard. The fiancé is annoying as hell. It felt like the actress playing her was just there because Sofia Vergara said no to the script. I don’t if that’s actually the case, but it feels like it.  For the most part, the jokes were pretty lame. A couple of them made me chuckle, but that’s about it. I cannot, in good conscience, recommend watching this. I didn’t make me angry, but it didn’t offer anything that the likes of The Smurfs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Furry Vengeance, Yogi Bear, and The Flinstones didn’t already try to do.

3 / 10