Fifty Shades of Grey

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I once told myself that this was a movie I would never see because I had no interest in it. Yet, I watched it. Why? Because I want to be rounded enough with my ten worst movies of the year list, when I'm eventually able to get to writing it. Let me make clear that that doesn't change my lack of desire to watch the movie. Oh boy, will this be right near the top of my worst of the year list. This is one of the most boring, soulless movies I have ever seen. At a point, I realized that this would've worked a hell of a lot better if it were a horror movie. The character of Christian Grey (played by a wooden, charmless, uncharismatic Jamie Dornan) comes off either as a stalker you would find in a movie like Fatal Attraction or as a serial killer closing in on his new prey. Dornan's dull, lifeless, and robotic performance is made all the more painfully obvious when I see the rest of the actors attempting to put actual emotion in their lines. I wish Fifty Shades of Grey was unintentionally hilarious, at least it would've come off as a far more entertaining movie than this unintentionally creepy piece of crap. It was easily one of the hardest sits I have ever had in a movie. This is possibly one of  the worst-written films I have ever witnessed. There is actually a scene where Grey talks to the hungover Anastasia Steele, (a miscast Dakota Johnson, who admittedly tries but can't seem to make her dialogue work) in a scene that contains even worse chemistry than a Twilight movie. He tells her that he had undressed her, and put her to bed, and slept in the same bed as her. "Did we?" she asks him. His answer is "I'm not into necrophilia." That honestly begs the question, do these people know what necrophilia is? I know it's a nitpick, but I'm just showing how bad I think the writing is. On a more positive note, the movie looks nice. It is well-shot. The cinematography is nice. However, any possible good will the cinematography is is undone by one of the worst possible sins it possibly could. It just isn't a sexy movie. And that's what the main criteria for a movie like Fifty Shades of Grey should be, but it just doesn't succeed. Instead, it leaves me bored, thinking about the million other things I should probably be doing with my life.

1 / 10