Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Mank


Seeing as Mank is a film directed by David Fincher, it shouldn't be any surprise this is a movie that comes together excellently from a technical perspective. It's very well directed and acted, something that I naturally come to expect from Fincher as a director. With that said, this is not a movie that's going to appeal to everyone. A small niche of people will probably enjoy it. For starters, Fincher makes a lot of call-backs to Citizen Kane. It makes sense because this movie is about Herman Mankiewicz as he writes Citizen Kane, and navigates 1930s Hollywood. One of the main criticisms I have seen levied against this movie is that the pacing often feels a bit too slow. This is something I have to agree with. As I have already hinted at, the performances really do deserve props. As usual actors like Gary Oldman and Charles Dance are in top form. Amanda Seyfried might at her best in this movie. The one person who doesn't entirely feel like they belong to me is Bill Nye as Upton Sinclair. He isn't awful, necessarily. But, Bill Nye also is not an actor by trade. However, I should note that he really isn't in the film very much. This is a film that was written by David Fincher's late father. Naturally, this film was a passion project for Fincher. Overall, as a fan of David Fincher's work, I am glad I saw this film. It's not one that I think will go down as one of his best, nor do I see this as one of Fincher's more rewatchable movies. I enjoyed my time with Mank, but won't need to seek it out multiple times in the long run.

7 / 10    

Thursday, November 26, 2020

Artemis Fowl

 


"I'm Artemis Fowl, and I'm a criminal mastermind." I wanted to highlight this line from near the end of this movie. I want to highlight it because none of Artemis Fowl's actions really make this line feel earned. There were a lot of other things in this movie, very few of them being good. For example, the special effects are shoddy, at best. I have no idea what kind of performances Josh Gad and Judi Dench were giving. The action felt small scale. There were only a couple of locations in this movie, mainly Artemis's house. The villain has no dimension to her. She feels like a complete afterthought (probably because Artemis Fowl himself is the main antagonist of the book). The one character I actually did enjoy was the Holly Short character. She had a backstory that actually helped you to understand her drive, her motivations. The pacing is quite poor too. I feel like a lot of the film's plot beats are rushed, just so this movie can fit into an hour and a half time frame. Overall, there was very little about Artemis Fowl that worked for me, and I could honestly see why Disney dumped this onto their streaming service rather than delay its theatrical release. If you do happen to come across this movie on Disney+, just go ahead and skip it. 

2 / 10   

Girl

 


Girl stars Bella Thorne in the title role as a young woman who makes her way to a small town with a score to settle. It doesn't take long before she learns that not everything is what it seems. Going in to this, I only knew the basic plot. I had an idea of what I expected the movie to be. So, when the plot beat I saw coming happened within the first third, I had reached a point where I wasn't entirely sure how things were going to progress. That said, there were still some pretty predictable elements to the movie's plot. Some of the more obvious plot beats are kind of where I would like to start. These moments are the main issue I have with the movie, though they are few and far between. I knew right away who was going to be the villain as soon as the character was introduced, and not just because of the actor playing the role. The movie's greatest strength is the acting, particularly Bella Thorne in the lead. Initially, I was a little bit worried. Those worries were put to ease as the film went on. Overall, Girl works because of its performances, and some legitimately good tension. It isn't a movie I see going down as a modern classic or anything, but it did keep me invested as I watched it. 

7 / 10  

Tuesday, November 17, 2020

Jiu Jitsu


 Jiu Jitsu is about a group of fighters chosen to do battle by an alien from another world. So, I saw the trailer for this movie about a month ago, and thought it looked like it could be some dumb, trashy fun. Yeah, that's pretty much what I got out of this movie. The character development is pretty thin. Most of these characters don't have much to them beyond the most basic aspects you can give them. What helps these characters out is that I actually like a lot of the actors, even if some of them felt a bit underused (looking at you Nicolas Cage). There are some characters here and there that, at least to me, didn't end up feeling like they had a point being in the movie. The special effects are mostly pretty bad. However, the action is probably this movie's saving grace. The action is genuinely well shot and entertaining enough. In many ways, you could call this a rip-off of Predator. The DNA is definitely there. Overall, this is a movie that's decent enough for killing an hour and forty minutes. You can just watch it, and not think too hard. This movie isn't anything special, but I don't think it necessarily needed to be either.

6 / 10  

Saturday, November 14, 2020

Once Upon a Time at Christmas


 Two serial killers dressed Santa and Mrs. Claus wreak havoc on a small town while the police try their best to stop the killers. So, I was warned going in that this was going to be bad. Maybe that's why it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I mean, is it even fair to pick on a slasher movie for having subpar acting? Where this movie truly works for me is actually in the story. How the two killers work is actually kind of clever, and it legitimately took me a little while before I really understood where the story was going. Parts of it were predictable, of course. Aside from the acting, a lot of the dialogue is also pretty bad. The one actor I genuinely enjoy in this movie is the actor who plays "Santa." The man hams it up to just the right level for me. The characters are pretty thin. They aren't unlikable per se, but, most of them don't really do much to stand out for me. Yes, this movie is bad. But, I found it to be pretty enjoyably bad. If you are fan bad movies, and of off-kilter Christmas movies, there are honestly a lot worse you could go with. 

6 / 10  

Freaky


Freaky
is about a bullied teenage girl (played by Kathryn Newton) who swaps bodies with a serial killer (played by Vince Vaughn). The movie is co-written and directed by Christopher Landon, who also wrote and directed the Happy Death Day movies. One of the first things about this movie I loved is that it takes that extra step and goes for the R rating. The kills are nice and gory. Of course, the two leads are really what make this movie work for me, especially Vince Vaughn. It is so entertaining to see him act like a teenage girl. I do think the movie does a solid job of mixing the horror and the comedy, even if I won't go so far as to say it's done particularly great. My one real issue with the movie is that I don't think it does the best job in terms of family dynamics. It seems like that's what Landon was going for. However, our protagonist spends more time with her friends than her own family. However, the other part of this movie is the protagonist learning to come out of her shell a little bit more, and come to terms with needing to speak up for herself. I actually think that part of the movie works pretty well. Overall, Freaky has some bumps here and there, but the overall result is fun little slasher comedy.

8 / 10  

Friday, November 13, 2020

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan


 Let's talk about the biggest liar in the Friday the 13th franchise, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. As anyone who has ever seen this movie has undoubtedly pointed out, Jason does not take Manhattan. He takes a boat for 90 minutes, and farts around in New York for the last fifteen minutes. I have seen this movie a couple of times. Each time, one of the things that sticks out to me is that I just don't find it all that fun. More than anything, I find it kind of boring. Kane Hodder does play Jason in this movie, and is one of the very few things about this movie I actually genuinely like. I should also say that a couple of the kills in this movie as well. These are just a couple of things that actually work for me in a movie full of stuff I just find stupid. For eaxmple, I hate all of the stuff with Jason as a kid. The final girl in this movie is actually one of the least interesting final girls in the entire franchise for me. Yes, she has a backstory. If this movie were better written, I probably would have cared more. Overall, Jason Takes Manhattan is one of the least popular, and least liked, films in the Friday the 13th franchise, and for good reason. 

3 / 10 

Wednesday, November 4, 2020

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade


In the third movie in the Indiana Jones franchise, Indy goes on a quest to find both the holy grail and his missing father. First of all, I love the chemistry between Harrison Ford and Sean Connery. Despite the two only having a twelve year age gap between them, they have a pretty believable father and son dynamic. It's honestly a big part as to why this is my favorite of the Indiana Jones movies. I also quite like the Elsa character. It's really the only time in this franchise where the love interest was also one of the villains. I also think it helped make her a little more memorable than the movie's primary villain. He's not bad. He just doesn't stand out to me as much some of the other antagonists in the franchise. As usual, the action set pieces are also a ton of fun. My personal favorite is the scene in Venice. Sure, this movie may be a bit more lighthearted than the second movie. However, I actually believe that is a point in this film's favor. Overall, I adore this film. The acting, the action, and the writing are all in top form. It really is the relationship between Indy and his father that serves as the heart of the movie for me. 

9 / 10 

Saturday, October 31, 2020

Gremlins 2: The New Batch


Gremlins 2
is pretty bonkers. The movie takes place a few years after the events of the first film. Billy has a new job in New York, and is in a committed relationship with his girl Kate. Billy also reunites with Gizmo after the mogwai's home is destroyed. Of course, things go awry and the gremlins wreak havoc on the skyscraper. This movie is just a ton of fun. It has some pretty damn entertaining meta jokes, including a moment where the movie flat out stops until Hulk Hogan threatens the gremlins. It is a bit more light-hearted because Joe Dante wanted the movie to be a different animal from the first movie. The cast is a lot of fun too. Aside from the returning cast members, we also have Christopher Lee in a small role. The movie's biggest flaw is that the horror elements are probably toned down a bit too much. If you're not into movies that are willing to go to really weird places, this probably is not the movie for you. If you do like some of those kinds of movies, then I would definitely recommend checking out this movie. 

7 / 10  

Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare


Can one truly call Freddy’s Dead a good movie in any sense of the word good? No. Yet, I have something of a soft spot for this flick. I can’t entirely put my finger on what it is. It isn’t a movie I have childhood nostalgia for. I was in my mid to late teens when I watched it for the first time. I really think Robert Englund is in top form as Freddy, as per usual, even if he was a bit too comedic. For the most part, I did also find the kills to pretty creative, something I would expect out of a Nightmare on Elm Street movie. I think the main issue with this film is that it’s a whole new cast of characters taking Freddy down. It isn’t really a plot point that had been established in previous films. And yes, I do think that’s a pretty major problem with this movie. However, I actually do like the new characters we spend time for the most part. Kind of adding to that point a little bit, I do get that Freddy was the star of the show at this point. But, having completely new people be the ones to kill him for good almost makes his death feel a little empty. The special effects can be pretty laughably bad too, especially the dream people. The last ten to fifteen minutes incorporate 3-D, and it really comes off as an afterthought. So, yes, Freddy’s Dead is a legitimately bad movie with a ton of problems that are pretty tough to ignore. But, I do see this as a personal guilty pleasure, and an enjoyably bad movie to watch around Halloween. I know I’m in the minority, but I don’t really care.  

6 / 10

Tuesday, October 27, 2020

Pet Sematary (1989)


Louis Creed (played by Dale Midkiff) moves with his family to Maine because he takes a job. Before too long, tragedy strikes the Creed family, and Louis takes desperate measures when their neighbor, Jud (played by Fred Gwynne) tells him about the pet cemetery. I really enjoy this movie. It has something of a dated 80s charm to it. It probably helps that the script was written by Stephen King himself. The acting is pretty hit and miss. Fred Gwynne as Jud is easily the best part of the movie. On the other hand, I don't care as much for Dale Midkiff in the lead. He's not awful or anything. He just doesn't do much for me in the movie. I will say that I kind of love how quotable this movie is. I can't tell you how many times I have randomly said "Never get out of bed again," just as an example. Some of the effects are a bit dated by today's standards. I'm not saying that is a negative in the case of this movie, as I feel it adds to this movie's dated feel and charm. This isn't a perfect movie, nor do I consider one of the best King movies. However, I do think it's still a decently fun watch. Check it out, especially if you are a fan of Stephen King movies. 

7 / 10 

Sunday, October 25, 2020

Creepshow 2



 Creepshow 2 was not directed by George A. Romero this time around. However, Romero did write the movie. The stories also are based on stories wrtten by Stephen King, even though King didn't write this movie himself. The stories this time around are still pretty inventive, even if there are less of them. The best of the three stories in this film is easily the third and final one. Among the stories are a wooden Native American statue that seeks revenge against a couple killers, a sludge monster stalking and killing a group of college students looking for a swimming getaway, and a woman being haunted by the ghost of someone she accidentally killed. The one thing I definitely think was weaker this time around was the framing in between the stories. It isn't bad. It just isn't as good as the framing in the first movie. Once again, the cast is pretty damn good too, even if it is a bit odd that a white actor was cast as a native American in this movie. I will admit though; I think I preferred the cast in the first movie a little bit more. Overall, Creepshow 2 was a fun enough sequel. Do I prefer the first movie? Yes. But, that doesn't take away from the fact that this is still pretty damn entertaining. If you're a fan of the first movie, give this movie a watch.  

7 / 10 

Saturday, October 24, 2020

The Pool (a.k.a. Swimming Pool)

A group of "high school students" break into a closed down pool for a graduation party. I'll be honest, if you've rad any of my past reviews, you'll know I tend to be on the forgiving side of a lot of slasher movies. This... is not going to be one of those cases. I like a couple of the performances, namely the performances by a young Isla Fisher and a young James McAvoy before either of them really got big. There's at least one kill in the movie I think is genuinely entertaining. A couple of scenes are directed decently enough, I suppose. Isla Fisher's character in the film is only in two scenes. The backstory given to this character feels more interesting and thought out than the backstory given to the actual final girl. Okay, even by slasher movie standards, most of these characters feel incredibly stock. A couple of them are also really hard to tell apart from one another. Literally, three of the male characters in this movie have similar build and short black hair in a buzz cut. The killer's costume also looks stupid. It doesn't look like the costume I would expect out of the villain in a slasher movie. It looks like a costume worn by a lame supervillain. 


 But, this movie commits what is perhaps the greatest sin a movie can commit. It is just plain boring, especially in the first half. I've already mentioned that I don't particularly care about most of the characters. So, that probably doesn't help that much at all. Even as someone who is a bit of an apologist for cheesy slasher movies, I can't bring myself to recommend this. It really isn't worth your time or effort. 

4 / 10 

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Headless Horseman

 
Headless Horseman is 2007 made-for-television movie about a group of college kids who find themselves stuck in a small town where the townsfolk offer them up to the Headless Horseman as part of a ritual sacrifice. Is this movie good? No. It is, however, my kind of bad. It has sort of an 80s slasher feel to it, and that is usually something that is going to appeal to me on some level. It has the quality of acting you would expect in both a slasher movie, and a made-for-television Sci-fi channel movie. It is noticeably low budget. The costumes and sets look cheap and fake. The CGI is awful. The gore effects are pretty inconsistent. Sometimes, it's clear the blood is digital. When you have those moments, it looks really bad. When I can tell the blood is not digital, it tends to be among the more impressive effects in the movie. The characters aren't very deep. Again, I don't really care about that in a slasher movie very often. I do, however, think they were mostly pretty likable. If you are a fan of cheesy, bad, dumb movies, then I would recommend this flick. I can't guarantee it's going to be your kind of bad. But, I also can't guarantee it won't be either. If you're not into this kind of movie, then I would say to skip it altogether. 

5 / 10 

The Mummy (1932)

 


The high priest Imhoetep intends to bring his long lost love back from the dead. Boris Karloff is easily the best part of this movie. I kind of love the sense that he has this hypnosis over this woman he's trying to use to resurrect his love. I should also say that I quite enjoy her as well. She's not necessarily a damsel who does nothing but scream. I actually feel like she has some form of personality to her. That said, she is still sort of just a prize. I can be a little forgiving of that because this was from the 1930s. This movie is short, and is pretty well-paced. However, I can't say it's my favorite of the classic Universal monster movies. Other than Karloff and Zita Johann as the female lead, Helen, the rest of the cast was just alright to me. The actors were fine, but I didn't really get much out of their characters. The effects also look pretty good for the time as well. Overall, The Mummy was a fine enough movie. I'm glad I finally got the chance to see it this year. Is it going to be a yearly watch for me? Probably not, but I still do recommend watching it at least once. 

6 / 10 

Hocus Pocus


Three witches (played by Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker) find themselves resurrected three hundred years after their deaths, and they begin to wreak havoc on modern (circa 1993) Salem, Massachusetts. A couple of kids are the only ones who can stop them. This movie is just some good, dumb fun. It's probably better if this is a movie you have some form of nostalgia for. To give an example, I can easily recognize that some of the fish out of water humor with the witches can be inconsistent. Yet, this is something that has never really bothered me too much. The absolute best thing about the movie is the acting from Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker. These women are clearly having a ball. That's not to say the rest of the cast is bad. For example, I actually do enjoy Thora Birch as the little sister of the main protagonist. She does a pretty damn good job as the annoying, bratty little sister. It helps that she's just sympathetic enough that she can still be likable. In short, she actually feels like a kid to me. Some of the visual effects haven't entirely held up, but they don't look awful either. In short, this movie is just a fun little watch around Halloween, especially if you're looking for something to show to kids. 

6 / 10 

Friday, October 16, 2020

A Babysitter's Guide to Monster Hunting


Teenager Kelly Ferguson has to find her charge when he is kidnapped by a monster on Halloween. This is a movie I could easily see kids getting a kick out of. There are some moments that I think work well enough to creep younger audiences out a little bit. Looking at this movie as an adult, I saw mostly as a fun little Halloween watch, nothing more. The best part of this movie is easily Tom Felton as the main villain. The man just seems like he is having a ton of fun. I do think there is something of an 80s vibe to it. There is some stuff in this movie I thought was actually pretty imaginative. I will say that the main character is just okay as a character. I actually think one of the supporting players would have worked better as the lead. She has a more interesting backstory, and a better tie to the main villain. The CGI isn't really anything special. I did find it to be less distracting as the film went on. Overall, I think this movie had just enough imagination to keep me interested while I watched. I also could see this being a decent gateway movie for younger kids trying to get into horror. 

7 / 10 

Deadly Friend

 


Deadly Friend is about a genius-level teenager who revives his best friend (and crush) as a cyborg after she is accidentally killed by her abusive father. Of course, when this happens, she isn't quite right. Starting things off with the positives, this movie has what might be one of my favorite kills in any horror movie ever. If you are at all familiar with this movie, you probably already know what kill I'm talking about. If not, I'll just say it involves a basketball. I also actually really enjoy Kristy Swanson as the titular "deadly friend." I think she does a solid job differentiating who the character is before and after her death. I really do feel like these are two completely different people. I also like the movie's ending. In a movie like this, I wouldn't want the main character to get a happy ending, and really, he doesn't. I won't necessarily spoil exactly how and why though. But, this is far from being one of Wes Craven's best movies. I think there are some pretty major pacing issues. At times, the tone doesn't entirely feel pinned down. Part of that could come from the fact that Wes Craven originally intended this to be a slowly paced, more cerebral, gothic romance. But, he was forced to add in more blood and gore. So, it doesn't entirely feel like these two elements always go together. I actually wonder if the original intent would have made for a better movie. It might have actually fit the sort of Frankenstein story better. Judging what this movie is, I think it's one of Craven's more middling efforts.  

5 / 10 

Thursday, October 15, 2020

Deadly Blessing


Deadly Blessing
is one of Wes Craven's earlier films, and was an early attempt for the man to dabble with the slasher sub genre. The movie centers around a young pregnant woman who finds herself widowed and makes an attempt with a couple of her friends (one of whom is played by a young Sharon Stone) to solve the murders. For those who may not know, Wes Craven is one of my all-time favorite directors. I should admit that I have not seen all of the man's work, and I am currently working to rectify that. This one is interesting for me because I don't have strong feelings about it one way or the other. I think it's perfectly fine. The acting is hit and miss. The only ones I really think stand out are Ernest Borgnine, Michael Berryman, and Sharon Stone. The rest of the cast I kind of see as just there. The characters are hard for me to get a read on sometimes, and not necessarily in the best way. This is a movie that has been described as a transitional movie for Craven, and it really does feel that way. There are a lot of parts to this movie that just drag for me. Overall, I found Deadly Blessing just alright. I feel like this movie had some growing pains for Wes Craven as a director. I'd really only recommend this to hardcore fans of Wes Craven.

6 / 10 
  

Identity


Identity
follows a group of strangers stranded at a motel who must eventually work to stay alive when a mysterious killer begins picking them off one by one. This is a movie I had heard of but had never seen until recently. Now that I have had a chance to check it out, I am so glad I did. For starters, I love the cast. The actors in this film include John Cusack, Ray Liotta, Amanda Peet, Alfred Molina, and Jake Busey. This movie starts off fairly simple, and you think it's going to go one way. But, there are a couple of solid twists in the movie that I won't spoil in my review. Props should also go to director James Mangold. The man does an excellent job building up atmosphere in this movie. I could potentially pick apart the characters for not being too deep. However, in this movie it almost feels like it's by design. That's not me saying they're super shallow either. I personally feel that this movie gives the characters just enough depth. Overall, Identity works as a mystery-horror movie with some legitimately clever twists. It's not one I hear talked about a lot in day to day conversations, But I honestly think it deserves to be. If you get the chance, give this movie a watch.  

9 / 10 

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Ouija


Ouija
is a 2014 horror movie about a group of idiot teenagers who unwittingly summon evil spirits just because they mess with a ouija board. I'm going to be completely transparent. In my opinion, this is probably one of the worst horror movies of the past ten years. A couple of performances worked well enough for me, I suppose. But, for the most part, the acting is just bland at best. As far as scares go, this is a film that solely seems to rely on shitty jump scares. Every now and then, there might be one scare that almost works. Almost. Ok, there is one thing that really sinks this movie into being among the absolute dreck of horror. Let's talk about the film's twist ending. Our idiotic heroes make the assumption that for all of their nightmare to end, they have to set the spirit of a young girl free. The twist is: the little girl was the evil spirit all along. The ghost of the girl's mother was trying to prevent this from happening. Here's the problem. The mother's ghost is the actually doing most of the killing. So, when you really break it down and give it any genuine thought, this is a plot twist that actually creates plot holes. Honestly, just watch the prequel, and avoid this piece of dogshit at all costs. 

2 / 10 

Deep Blue Sea 3

 


Deep Blue Sea 3 follows a research team and a team of mercenaries as they each try to deal with the surviving sharks from Deep Blue Sea 2. The first thing I want to say is that this is a much better movie than Deep Blue Sea 2. While some of the acting in this still leaves a lot to be desired, it is a good deal better here. I also feel that the effects are noticeably better in this film as well. There are definitely some rough spots in terms of the effects, but the second movie also did them a lot worse too. I should also say I liked some of the characters in this one more than I liked the characters in the last movie too. None of that makes this a great movie by any means. There are some character and story beats that I did find pretty predictable. However, in this movie's defense, I don't really think it matters all that much. Quality-wise, I think I would put this about on par with the first movie. It's not something I would necessarily call good, but I did have fun with it. If you enjoyed the original movie,  I would say give this one a shot.

6 / 10   

Tuesday, October 13, 2020

Fantasy Island


Where do I begin? Hm. This was written and directed by the same people behind 2018's Truth or Dare. I think that should speak to this movie's overall quality. For much of the running time, this felt like it was going to be nothing more than a generic horror movie put out by the Blumhouse machine. However, the last twenty minutes actually gave me exactly what I wanted. This is a movie that offers up a couple of different twists. Neither of them really work. The first one feels like it was kind of just made up on the spot. The other is so indescribable that I just sort of screamed "What!?" when the credits started to roll. Naturally, I won't give spoilers. I will say that I actually do think the cast works well enough. Michael Rooker is probably my favorite part of the movie, and there honestly wasn't enough of him. A lot of the dialogue is laughably dated. One of the lines in this 2020 movie is two characters sharing the line "YOLO," something that hasn't been said unironically since probably 2013. If the whole movie was more like the climax, I probably would have recommended this as a fun kind of bad movie. Judging the movie as a whole, It's mostly just generic, and really not worth your time.

2 / 10    

Saturday, October 10, 2020

Child's Play 2

 


Two years after the events of the first film, Andy Barclay is sent to live with a foster family. It doesn't take long before Chucky the killer doll returns to exact vengeance. Along the way, the doll leaves another trail of bodies. If the first film offered more of a mystery leading up to the reveal that Chucky was the killer, this movie lets Chucky off his leash. Therefore, there's more of a straight up slasher feel to this movie by comparison. I see it as a good thing because knowing Chucky is the killer throughout the entire thing means we actually get more of him. I absolutely love Brad Dourif in the role. I also really like that the movie puts some focus on a foster family. It's not something you really see that often in horror movies. The kills can also be pretty effective. I can think of two of them that are among my favorite Chucky kills of all time. Overall, I see Child's Play 2 as being pretty on par with the first film. It's a movie that actually continues the story of the first film, but doesn't feel entirely restricted by the exact same rules. It also doesn't entirely feel like a movie that does the exact same thing again. There is a little bit of that feeling, but nowhere near enough to ruin the movie by any means. 

8 / 10       

Sunday, October 4, 2020

The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

 


The Human Centipede is a movie I have only watched once in my life. It's one of those movies where I watched it, felt like I got it, and felt no need to watch it again. Two young women break down, and go to the nearest house looking help. The home belongs to a rich doctor who ends up abducting them, and then stitches them together with another man to create a "human centipede." When I watched this film, I wondered to myself whether something like this was the director's fetish. This isn't a movie that is overly explicit. However, the idea is one of the few things I can think of that actually disgusted me while I watched. If there is one bright spot to this film, it would have to be Dieter Laser as the villainous doctor. He is the one actor I think understands the kind of movie he is involved in. The rest of the actors in the film are just bad, coming across as though they were plucked off the street and told they were going be in a movie. Overall, this is one of those movies I watched out of morbid curiosity when I was in high school, and immediately wondered what I had gotten myself into. No, I did not like this movie. No, I would not recommend this movie. 

2 / 10  

Thursday, October 1, 2020

Deep Rising


A cruise ship on its maiden voyage finds itself attacked by a creature lurking in the deep. A team of mercenaries along with a hired ship crew also make their way on to the ship for initially devious reasons. Soon, the mercenaries, the cruise ship's surviving crew members, and the sole surviving passenger must do their best to survive in their current predicament. The first thing I will say is that the CGI is pretty rough. I can't necessarily speak to how good it might have looked when this movie came out in 1998. But, looking at it in 2020, it is not good. The movie doesn't always flow together super well. The mercenaries are there because the man who designed the ship wanted to sink it on its maiden voyage to collect insurance money. It feels there might have been a script involving that, and ended up being meshed together with a script for a monster movie. The result may not have been good, per se. But it was fun. This movie's greatest strength is its cast. In particular, I actually really Famke Janssen in the movie. She plays a jewel thief. But, she really works off of every one else amazingly well. Again, Deep Rising was fun, but flawed. 

7 / 10  

Random Acts of Violence


 Random Acts of Violence is a slasher movie directed and co-written by Jay Baruchel. The movie centers on a comic book creator named Todd, played by Jesse Williams. He and the rest of his creative team embark on a road trip in an effort to give Todd some creativity to end his comic book that was inspired by a real-life killer. Things take a turn for the worse when murders pop up that mirror Todd's comics. The first thing I want to note is that I'm actually curious to see what else Jay Baruchel can do as a director. I actually think that was one of this movie's greatest strengths. There's a sense of style in a lot of this movie that really did work for me. I also did enjoy the cast a good deal. I really think Jesse Williams in the lead works for me. Where I honestly think this movie could have been improved is in the satire. There seems to be an attempt to make fun of the idea that art creates violence and vice/versa' It isn't awful in this film. However, I think movies like Scream, or even Scream 2, just do it quite a bit better. It is interesting to note that this movie is based off of a limited run comic book. I should also note that I have not read the comic this movie is based on. Judging this movie on its own merits, I think it was decent. I can't recommend it to everybody, but I think there might be something there for hardcore slasher fans. 

6 / 10 

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Secret Society of Second-Born Royals



Secret Society of Second-Born Royals
follows a group of younger siblings of royals as they discover they have superpowers. I literally just watched this movie on Disney+ because it was there. The movie was alright. The acting was decent enough. Or, at least, it worked for this movie. This has something of a Disney Channel Original Movie feel. I should say that, in this case, it's not a terrible thing. I will also say that the characters worked well enough for me too. There actually was an attempt to give some of them genuine depth, especially the main protagonist, and her relationship with her older sister. Okay, it's not a ton of depth, but it's honestly more than I would have expected. The special effects in the movie are awful, worse than a movie like this probably should have. I was glad it was never too distracting, but they were bad enough that it was noticeable. Overall, I thought this movie was just okay. I watched it once out of pure curiosity, and don't really feel a need to ever watch it again. They do set up for a potential sequel, and the idea is interesting enough, I guess I'd be curious to see where it goes, and if it improves. But, yeah, this was a one-and-done movie for me.     

6 / 10   

Sunday, September 13, 2020

The Babysitter: Killer Queen


 The Babysitter: Killer Queen continues the story of Cole (played again by Judah Lewis) as he has to face the demons of his past when the satanic cult members from the first movie return from the dead to take their vengeance. I had a blast with this movie. I kind of think it's about on par with the first film. Starting off with the positives, I like the actors and the chemistry they all have with one another. I really have to shine a spotlight on franchise newcomer Jenna Ortega as the character Phoebe. The kills are even gorier this time around, and they are a lot of fun. I also have to appreciate the movie's mix of gore and laughs. I also want to give props the soundtrack. The songs used in this film really do match the film pretty perfectly. On the more negative side of things, there were some moments where I do think the style goes a bit overboard. Some of the returning cast members feel a bit sidelined (one comes to mind in particular). Overall, The Babysitter: Killer Queen was a pretty damn fun time that I recommend if you were a fan of the original. It's not a landmark of cinema, but it's not trying to be, nor does it really even need to be. Give it a watch on Netflix if you're curious. 

6 / 10   

Sunday, August 30, 2020

The New Mutants


After two years, The New Mutants has finally arrived. The movie follows a group of teenage mutants just discovering their abilities, and must come face to face with their worst fears while they are in a hospital setting. For the longest time, I was anticipating this movie. But, I did have some skepticism as well because of the delays. The cast does a solid job all-around. I actually think it might help in this movie's case that the cast is generally pretty small. The actors all have solid chemistry, and work off each other well enough. That said, this movie is far from perfect. The action isn't awful, but I do think it could have been much better. Some of it feels a bit too shaky for my taste. My other big issue with the movie is the exposition. There were some points where I genuinely felt as though the movie was using exposition as a crutch, as a way to carry character development. Overall, I think The New Mutants was good enough. It certainly isn't the best movie in the X-Men franchise. But, I can also say that it is far from the worst movie in the X-Men franchise. It works almost entirely because of the cast of characters. 

6 / 10  

Saturday, August 15, 2020

The Invisible Man


 The Invisible Man is the latest remake of the original H.G. Wells story. This version follows Elizabeth Moss as a woman, Cecilia, who escapes from her abusive boyfriend, a scientist named Adrian Griffin. After Adrian apparently dies, Cecilia begins to think something suspicious is happening, and that Adrian is somehow behind it, even as those around Cecilia believe she may be going crazy. So, between this and Upgrade, I know that Leigh Whannell is someone to look out for as a filmmaker. There's a fantastic sense of tension. The acting is very good too, especially Elizabeth Moss in the lead role. She convincingly pulls off a performance that feels both sympathetic and unhinged. This also feels like a perfect off-set for a villain that is actually very cold and calculated. Some of the supporting characters could probably be a little bit deeper, but they still work pretty well for me. I kind of feel as though they serve their purposes within the context of the film. The pacing of the movie is suitably slow. It feels like it builds more and more as the film progresses. I also really have to compliment the film's visuals. The digital effects are actually pretty seamless. It feels like there is a pretty solid mix of both digital and practical, at least from what I was able to tell. Overall, I really liked The Invisible Man. This is a movie that makes me feel like there's an understanding of how to make a movie (and story) like this work in a modern setting.   

9 / 10 

Saturday, July 25, 2020

The Old Guard


The Old Guard is a Netflix action movie starring Charlize Theron. The movie follows a group of immortals who find themselves exposed by a CIA agent and pharmaceutical CEO. Before I go any further, there are some minor spoilers. Read at your own risk. The action is fun enough. But, what makes this movie work for me is the character interactions. These characters feel pretty damn human to me. Even the movie's villain has a decently understandable motivation. He wants to test the immortals to figure out how to create a medication that will lead to longer life. That said, his methods are what make him a villain. However, the immortals are my favorite characters. I genuinely buy the history these characters have, and I honestly love that they have an "I don't give a shit" attitude. This is especially true of Charlize Theron as Andy. I should also say that I appreciate that this movie still has some stakes. I won't any further than that. Having a film where the main protagonists are immortal can sometimes be tricky. But, it really does work in this movie. Overall, I found The Old Guard to be a genuinely fun watch. It has some good action, entertaining characters, and interesting lore that I really think lends this movie to a potential sequel. It isn't anything groundbreaking, but I don't think it set to be, or needed to be. If it looks or sounds interesting, give the movie a watch. 

7 / 10   

Friday, July 3, 2020

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End

image source
Wrong Turn 2: Dead End is a stand-alone direct-to-DVD sequel released in 2007. The movie follows a team of people trying to produce a reality tv show in the backwoods of West Virginia, but ultimately come across those mutant cannibals, who start picking them off. Like most slashers, this is a pretty simple plot. In this movie's case, I don't mind it. This movie was enjoyable enough. The characters aren't super deep, but they have just enough layers to them that I was kept invested. It's especially helpful when the first twenty minutes or so really had me worried. As the layers are actually pulled back a little bit, I actually started finding myself invested in several of them. The kills are a ton of fun. Because this movie was a direct-to-video release, it allowed them to go a little more all out with the gore. The acting isn't anything special, but the actors generally service the movie well enough. This movie doesn't really have a lot to it, and the final result for me is that I think that was all this movie really needed. I think I might prefer the first movie just a touch more, but I still thought this first sequel was a fun enough ride, and I do have to recommend the movie to slasher fans.

6 / 10  

Thursday, June 25, 2020

You Should Have Left

image source
This movie is a whole lot of "what the fuck-ery." It centers on a man played by Kevin Bacon, his much younger wife played by Amanda Seyfried, and their daughter. The three of them move into a house together, and weird things start happening. I really don't know what to make of this movie. The scares feel very hit and miss. Sometimes, you get a lame fake-out jump scare. Sometimes you get something that's built on atmosphere. The three main actors actually work well in their respective roles, especially Kevin Bacon. The movie has a plot twist that simultaneously feels like it's unpredictable and obvious at the same time. It's a situation where I knew there was going to be a twist, and I had two guesses as to what it would be, if that makes sense. I think the first two thirds could have been handled quite a bit better. It feels like the filmmakers wanted the movie to have a sort of slow burn effect. Instead, a lot of it feels like it just kind of meanders and then the really crazy shit happens. This is the most effective part of the movie. That third act is where a lot of the "what the fuck-ery" I mentioned really comes into play. The first two thirds kind of offer glimpses into it. While I did enjoy that last half hour, it's not amazing. It doesn't really make up for the first two thirds of the movie. The first two thirds also don't quite feel like they mesh with that last half hour. While I didn't really hate the movie, I don't know that I particularly liked it either. This is a movie with good enough parts that doesn't quite measure up to a very effective whole.

5 / 10 

Friday, June 19, 2020

Scoob!

image source
Scoob! is an animated reboot of the theatrical Scooby-Doo franchise. Scooby and Shaggy must team up with the Blue Falcon and Dyno-Mutt when Scooby finds himself in the crosshairs of the villainous Dick Dastardly. Let's start with the negatives. First, the mystery aspect of the movie is inconsequential. It isn't the main focus of the movie, which is a bit odd because this is a Scooby-Doo movie. Second, I didn't love Will Forte as Shaggy. He's not bad. It just feels odd to me when Matthew Lillard has been the official of the character since 2009. Third, I don't necessarily think the movie always knew what to do with Fred, Daphne, and Velma beyond having them in the movie. I wanted to get those out of the way because I legitimately really liked this movie. Now that I've seen it a couple of times, there are things I didn't notice on my first viewing. For the most part, I really loved the voice cast. My personal favorites were Jason Isaacs as Dick Dastardly and Mark Wahlberg as the Blue Falcon. I genuinely loved a lot of the film's writing as well. There are some great jokes that poke fun at the Scooby-Doo lore. The movie does serve as something of a set up for a larger Hanna-Barbera universe. This is something that isn't going to work for everybody. Personally, I kind of like the idea, and I have seen attempts at doing this that are much worse by comparison. So, yeah. I really did enjoy this movie quite a bit. It's not going to go down as one of my favorites of the year. But, I don't think it needs to. The movie does its job. That's about all I can say on the matter.

7 / 10 

Apt Pupil

image source
Todd Bowden (played by Brad Renfro) discovers that his neighbor, Arthur Denker (played by Ian McKellen) is a Nazi war criminal. Todd has an obsession with the awful things the Nazis did during World War II. Todd blackmails Denker into telling him all of these horrible stories. So, Apt Pupil is a movie I had been interested in for a while. Now that I have finally seen it, I will say this. I absolutely loved this movie. It's based off a story by Stephen King, and I suppose I should start there. I have not read the story this movie is based off of. That said, this is a type of horror that I don't really see Stephen King explore all that often, meaning real world horror. The acting is excellent all-around, especially from the film's two leads. A lot of the tension comes from the cat and mouse game between these two. It also helps that you're never fully sure who is who in this scenario. Yes, Denker is a former Nazi war criminal who had been suppressing a lot of his more sadistic urges. However, Todd shows a lot of his own sadistic tendencies throughout the movie, and you feel each of them trying to attain a sense of control. In my opinion, this was a great little movie, even if critics and audiences didn't really respond to it.

9 / 10 

Saturday, June 6, 2020

Happy Birthday to Me

image source
Well, yesterday was my birthday. So, let's talk about an 80s slasher movie with a birthday theme. You probably already know that I am a sucker for slasher movies. One I personally enjoy is Happy Birthday to Me. My favorite aspects of this movie are the kills. They are fun and gruesome. The acting actually isn't half bad in my opinion either. It isn't necessarily amazing. However, I have seen much worse in terms of slasher movies. I also genuinely love the twist involving the killer and the final girl. Both of these archetypes are played with in a really solid way, and I have to appreciate that. I won't give the twist away in this review, but know this is something I loved about this movie. The characters aren't particularly deep, but that's something you kind of just come to expect out of a lot of slasher movies. Plot wise, the movie actually is mostly simple. The final plot reveal is really the only complicated piece to the plot. This is a movie I enjoy as a horror fan and as a slasher fan. If you aren't a fan of slashers, this won't be the movie that sways you. If you are a fan slashers, even if you're only a casual fan, then I would recommend giving this movie a look.

8 / 10