The Room

image source

With The Disaster Artist coming out next month, I figured now was probably the perfect time to tackle one of the most infamous so-bad-it’s-good movies ever made: The Room. If you were to ask me what exactly the plot to this movie was, I really couldn’t tell you. I think it’s supposed to be about a woman cheating on her fiancée with his best friend (Yes that’s a thing that actually happens in this movie, but there’s so many pointless scenes that the plot is almost impossible to pin down. A lot of scenes in this movie are green-screened, for no apparent reason. (Is it really more expensive to actually shoot scenes outside instead of having to digitally add a backdrop of San Francisco in after shooting scenes in a studio? I was watching the opening credits, wondering if some of the names were made up (I don’t remember what a lot of the names were, but it seemed like they couldn’t possibly be real names). The dubbing is just unbelievable. Every line seems like it’s dubbed over and not once do the lines actually match up with the actors’ lips. There isn’t a single good performance the movie, but plenty of entertainment value can found, especially out of Tommy Wiseau in the lead role. I died laughing throughout almost the entire thing. There’s a point where we meet the future mother-in-law. The girlfriend, Lisa (played by Juliette Danielle) introduces her to one of more “important characters in the movie, creepy teenager Denny (played by Philip Haldiman). These two have never met before. The very next scene shows Denny confronted by drug dealer Chris-R (played by Dan Janjigian). Lisa, her mother, Johnny, (Wiseau’s character) and the best friend, Mark (played by Greg Sestero) trying to get information out of Denny. The mother (who was only just introduced to Denny) yells that “it’s about time someone ganged up on him.” This moment literally had me in stitches. The Room is everything you’ve heard it was. This is a movie that is amazing in all the wrong ways.    


10 / 10

Murder on the Orient Express

image source

Murder on the Orient Express is the newest film to be based off of Agatha Christie’s novel of the same name. The movie is directed by and stars Kenneth Branagh as Hercule Poirot, a character deemed as “perhaps the greatest detective in the world.” He is on a train with a bunch of strangers. One night, one of the passengers is murdered and Poirot must find out who committed the crime while an avalanche blocks off the train. Brannagh as Poirot is excellent. It’s been a long time since I’ve actually read the novel, so I don’t remember how accurate the movie is to the book. The character has his share of odd quirks, and the comedic feel is really damn good. Johnny Depp is probably at the best he’s been in a little while. The character does feel a little exaggerated, but it doesn’t feel as extreme as it’s been in something like Mortdecai. His character is pretty creepy, and actually isn’t a guy you like very much. Daisy Ridley, Michelle Pfeiffer, Josh Gad, Penelope Cruz, Leslie Odom,Jr., and Willem Dafoe should all be commended as well. These are characters that are given some good dramatic moments, and the actors all deliver. While I can say Olivia Colman, Manuel Garcia-Rufol, and Judi Dench were good as well, their more dramatic moments never felt as though they were particularly well served. The characters of the Count and the Countess felt like they were lost in the shuffle. I remember seeing them near the beginning of the film, but by the time they were brought back, I forgot they were still there, which isn’t necessarily a great sign for a murder mystery. The production design is excellent, and the interior of the train is fantastic. At times, there are some of uses of CGI. It’s not one of those things that everybody is going to notice, even if I did. I didn’t think it looked that great, but it’s a nitpick, and doesn’t happen very often. Murder on the Orient Express is a movie that some chinks in the armor here and there, but works more often than it doesn’t.

7 / 10    

Wolves at the Door

image source

Wolves at the Door is directed by John Leonetti. The movie centers around the famed Manson murders. I will say this is probably the best movie this director has made, but that isn’t saying much, considering his filmography also includes The Butterfly Effect 2, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, and Annabelle. I think that’s why the overall movie isn’t nearly as engaging as it should be. This movie is pretty short, clocking in at only about 72 minutes. When the writing doesn’t work very well, and a talented cast doesn’t always seem that invested, you end up feeling all 72 minutes of the movie. Nowhere is this more evident than the lead performance by Katie Cassidy as Sharon Tate. I like Katie Cassidy as an actress, but it doesn’t really look like she wants to be here. The beginning is probably the best part of the movie, despite some iffy acting. There actually was some demonstration of tension, and a legitimately creepy moment. The look of the movie isn’t something I’m a fan of. It’s incredibly difficult to make out what’s happening a lot of the time. This is a movie that really could’ve been executed well, but the wrong director was chosen. As an example, the Manson murders are going to be the topic of Quentin Tarantino’s next movie. Tarantino is a much more skilled director than Leonetti. The overall result is a movie with a couple of glimmers, a talented cast that doesn’t bring their A-game, and an otherwise sloppy mess.

2 / 10

The Punisher - Season 1

image source

The Punisher is the newest Netflix marvel TV series. Frank Castle (played by Jon Bernthal) has been declared legally dead for roughly a year (about the passage of time between Daredevil season 2 and this show). Frank is trying to live a quiet life under an assumed identity, believing his war to be over. He is pulled right back in by a man calling himself Micro (played by Ebon Moss-Bachrach) and learns there is more to the story than he thought. A woman named Dinah Madani (played by Amber Rose Revah) soon finds herself drawn into an investigation that puts her on the trail of the Punisher. Compared to the rest of the Netflix Marvel shows, this show particularly, should be viewed carefully if you have cautious feelings towards violence. The violence in this can be particularly gruesome at times. It never really reached a point where it bothered me, but the warning should be thrown out there. The acting in the show is really good. Bernthal as Frank Castle really stands out. Even in his quieter moments, you can really tell there's something inside him that's broken, and you can kind of tell that there's something of a rage beneath the calm demeanor. The Punisher isn't perfect, however. For example, there's a couple of characters that didn't feel like they were fully important to the plot. One of these characters could have been given a little more importance with a quick rewrite, especially because this character has a past with Frank already. There's another character who shows up near the beginning of the season. I'm not gonna lie, as soon as he showed up, I knew he was going to be a bad guy. This was based entirely off the actor that was chosen to play him. Overall, I would rank this ahead of The Defenders, Luke Cage, and Iron Fist, but behind the first two seasons of Daredevil and Jessica Jones. The Punisher has its flaws, but I definitely think it's worth a watch, especially if you are a fan of the character.

A- 

Top 10 Cartoon Theme songs

Honorable Mentions: There were a lot I would have loved to include, but it's a top 10 list, so here are a couple I enjoy that didn't quite make the cut. Keep in mind that this could've easily been a top 20 or top 30 list too.

Tale Spin

The Fairly Odd Parents

Teen Titans

Danny Phantom

Kim Possible

Animaniacs

#10: The Simpsons: I almost left this song off the list because it's too obvious, but that's also kind of why it deserves a spot on the list.

#9: Pinky and the Brain: It was kind of a toss-up between this and Animaniacs. I just chose the one that I personally had more nostalgia for.

#8: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: A classic you can't go wrong with. Listening back, it didn't hold for me as much, but it's still a pretty good theme that deserves a spot on the list.

#7: Family Guy: I'm not quite sure why, but I love this jazzy little number

#6: South Park: This is easily my favorite adult cartoon and adult cartoon theme song

#5: Chip and Dale: Rescue Rangers: So, I actually had to restrain myself from putting more Disney songs on my list. There will probably be a strictly Disney list someday.

#4: Duck Tales: This is a really catchy theme from one of my defining childhood shows.

#3: Scooby Doo: Where Are You?: I know there's probably a million Scooby Doo shows and themes, but the original is still my favorite.

#2: Darkwing Duck: I really didn't mean for the top 5 to get so Disney-heavy, but this one was guaranteed a spot this high on the list no matter what.

#1: X-Men: As far as I'm concerned, nothing else was going to take the top spot.

Were there any I missed? Did I have any too high? Did I have any too low? Were there any on here that didn't deserve to be on the list (honorable mentions or otherwise)? Let me know your opinions.

The Assignment

image source

The Assignment stars Michelle Rodriguez as a hitman named Frank. The sister of one of Frank’s targets (played by Sigourney Weaver) is a plastic surgeon who coaxes Frank into a job. The men following Frank on the mission betray him and take him to the doctor. The doctor turns Frank into a woman as revenge. Angered by this, Frank sets out on a warpath to exact revenge. The movie has a trashy premise that actually could have been enjoyable, but it takes itself a touch too seriously. For example, the best they do to make Michelle Rodriguez look like a man is slap an unconvincing fake beard on her and say “good enough.” Michelle Rodriguez is probably the best thing in the movie. I can say that, at the very least, it really seemed like she was trying. Sigourney Weaver playing the main villain pretty obviously doesn’t want to be there, not that I blame her. The action sequences feel pretty standard and don’t inspire much. In Die Hard, you remember Bruce Willis jumping off the building with an explosion behind him. In The Matrix, you remember Keanu Reeves flipping back to dodge bullets. There isn’t anything in the action scenes from this movie that really stand out. Most of the movie is told in flashback, so you kind of have an idea how it’s going to end. It isn’t like The Usual Suspects where the twist ending makes you rethink the entire movie. It isn’t like Wonder Woman where the journey was at least pretty fun to watch. This movie does have twists and turns, but they all feel incredibly predictable. There’s a character in the move, and from the second you meet them, you kind of have an idea where their story is going to go. Overall, The Assignment could’ve (and should’ve) worked as something of a trashy guilty pleasure. But, when one performance is all you can really point to as something you liked, you know there’s a serious problem.

3 / 10