Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2

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I’m just going start this off by saying that I’m not exactly the biggest fan of the Blair Witch franchise to begin with. I think the first one is overrated, and not deserving of the hype that was built around it. I did think the third (and most recent one) was pretty solid, despite it’s flaws. That brings us to Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, the movie in the franchise I hadn’t seen up until this point. The film follows a tour group after the success of the original Blair Witch Project film. Along the way, something starts messing with their heads. I guess the best place to start would be looking at the film’s direction. It’s not very good, though that may not necessarily be director Joe Berlinger’s fault. The man went on record to say that his original vision for the film was supposed to comment on mass hysteria and deal with a more meta tone. Glimpses of the original idea seem to be there, but far less well thought out. Now, I can’t speak to exactly how true this actually is, but I thought it was worth noting, especially because of just how much the movie jumps around, making this incredibly confusing when you watch the film. It also wouldn’t surprise me if it was true—especially thinking about the final product that we were given, but I’ll speak on that later. At this point, I think it would be  important to discuss the film’s editing, especially as it heavily ties into the film’s direction, and feels like the logical next step. As I said, the film really moves around, and is incredibly confusing. The film jumps around in its timeline a lot. I’m not criticizing the film for being nonlinear (The Usual Suspects, Pulp Fiction, and Memento are some of my favorite movies). It just feels more like the filmmakers didn’t know what should be left to the imagination, and what should be spelled out. Every time the movie tries shifting around in the timeline, it feels jarring. Remember how I said I wanted to touch on the film’s backstory more. Well, it’s the film’s story (and overall writing) that makes me wonder if Berlinger’s side of the story actually has some truth to it. The script makes little to no sense, and feels incredibly hackneyed. This also feels true of the film’s editing. The film tries to throw twists and turns in there, but they never feel earned (mostly because the film just sucks). If there is one thing about this movie I don’t utterly hate, it’s honestly the acting. OK, it’s not exactly going to win any awards, but it isn’t horrible. Unfortunately, the actual characters themselves fucking suck. They have little to no development, and leave absolutely no impact. There were legitimately points where I would forget who they after they disappeared for five minutes. Yeah, think about that. But, this film’s biggest sin is that it isn’t even remotely scary. The whole thing is dull and plodding. I reached a moment where I shook my head because I though I was further into the movie, but I was only 20 minutes in. I honestly don’t even know if the film was trying to be scary ( if it was, it really did a bang up job at it). Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 has built up a reputation over the years as one of the worst horror movies—and sequels of all time. Having seen the film for myself, I can easily see why. There’s little to nothing about Book of Shadows that actually works. It tries throwing everything at the screen (expect the book of shadows) and hardly any of it sticks. 

0 / 10  

What Men Want

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What Men Want is sort of a gender swapped What Women Want (a film I admittedly didn’t watch all the way through. The film follows sports agent Ali (played by Taraji P. Henson) when she ends up with the ability to hear men’s thoughts. When I saw the trailer, I thought it looked kind of funny, and actually had some potential. The final result was pretty underwhelming. Granted, I didn’t necessarily expect this movie to be great. I want to start with the positives. First, I actually enjoyed the performances by Taraji P. Henson and Tracy Morgan. Henson is a pretty naturally charismatic actress (and she’s clearly trying even though the material is obviously beneath her). Tracy Morgan is one of the few actors who could genuinely make me laugh in this movie. At times, there are jokes that kind of work. There should be a lot more comedic potential than what this movie gave us. The story isn’t really anything new either. I don’t have a problem with this. I just have some more issues with the fact that the filmmakers don’t really do anything with the opportunities they have. The movie is also a little too long. It comes in just shy of two hours. It goes without saying that this movie needed to be trimmed down quite a bit. I can’t really speak to how much that would improve the film, especially because I find that bad comedies are some of the toughest bad movies to sit through—because if a comedy can’t make you laugh, why are you watching it. The movie also has a talented cast that feels criminally underused. Nowhere is this more clear than with Aldis Hodge as Will. The man feels like is just there to be Alli’s love interest and nothing else. I think What Men Want had the potential to be a solid remake. You can tell because, every now and then, a joke will actually work. The biggest problem is this movie doesn't do anything to justify being a necessary remake. It took the first step, but nothing else. 

3 / 10 

Birdemic: Shock and Terror

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As of this moment, I feel as though I am presented with a nearly impossible task. I have to try and describe a movie like Birdemic: Shock and Terror. I guess I should start with my own personal history with the movie. I couldn't tell you exactly how I found about the movie's existence, but I have known it was a thing for a while. I have seen bits and pieces of it here and there. But, it wasn't until last night that I finally saw the movie from beginning to end. It was everything I wanted it to be and so much more. Everything about this movie is just kind of wrong. However, I feel as though this is a movie where everything about this movie is just right. Yep, it's that kind of movie. This is one of those films where I don't really know whether there is a lot for me to say, or if there is just a small amount for me to say. The effects in the film are atrocious (there's really no other word to describe them). I don't even know if it's possible to say that the birds look like they are obviously photoshopped into the movie-mostly because I think photoshop effects would probably look like a major improvement. It's quite clear from the very first shot that director James Nguyen probably had no idea what he was doing. But, he had a vision, and he got this movie made. He seemed to be inspired by The Birds (even to the point where a TV showing a movie with Tippi Hedren in it-a film called Julie and Jack that Nguyen himself had apparently directed. I should also note that I had no idea that the man had actually directed anything before Birdemic, mostly because this film comes off as incredibly amateur. The acting is horrendous-and that's probably putting it nicely. Most of the time, they feel like they are just people shoved in front of the camera-and they have no idea what they're doing or why. It doesn't help that the film's writing is incredibly awkward and clunky, which really doesn't help with the film's performances at all. The characters never really act like legitimate human beings. If you do watch this film, watch it how I watched it. Get a group of friends together and make fun of it Mystery Science Theater style. This is another case of a movie that I simply just won't give a rating to. It's awful for all the same reasons that it's amazing. Just know that Birdemic comes highly recommended to fans of so-bad-they're-good movies from a fan of so-bad-they're-good movies.      

Happy Death Day 2U

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Following the events of the first film, Tree (played again by Jessica Rothe) seems to have finally gotten a normal life and is now in a relationship with Carter (played again by Israel Broussard). But, her life goes right back into chaos when Carter’s roommate Ryan finds himself stuck in a time loop of his own. That’s really just scratching the surface because things kind of get bigger and weirder from there. The first film was clearly a slasher movie with a comedic Groundhog Day-style edge to it. The genre of this film honestly feels a little harder to classify—and that’s something I weirdly appreciate. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of the first film’s elements are still there. I just happen to think this film pushes its genre concepts further than the first film did. Much like the first movie, Jessica Rothe really feels like she is this film’s heart and soul. There’s a lot she has to work with, and she makes all of it work. She has great comedic timing, and she really gets a chance to shine with her dramatic chops. A lot of the comedy carries a darker tone—something that really works with the slasher angle these movies like to take. If I’m being honest, a lot of the movie’s comedy really worked for me, especially a couple of the deaths (which I don’t want to spoil in my review). This is a movie that I’m happy wasn’t completely ruined by the trailer. The trailers gave me some kind of idea of what to expect, but they didn’t give away any of the really important plot points, or any of the twists in the film for that matter. As much I as legitimately loved this movie, and really had a blast with it, I can’t say that it was perfect. The movie doesn’t make it clear exactly how long after the first film this movie takes place. Sometimes, it seems like it starts the next day. Other times, it seems like it’s a couple of days later. My personal feelings on when this movie should take place notwithstanding, I think some of the writing could have been tweaked to make this a little clearer, and little bit more noticeable. There’s a couple of new characters introduced in this film, and I think they could have been stronger. They are there to help Tree. The problem is that I can’t even remember what their names are. That’s the kind of impact they left on me. But, I have to say, after two pretty damn entertaining movies, I’m kind of OK with Happy Death Day continuing on as a horror franchise.

8 / 10 

Reign of the Supermen

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Reign of the Supermen is the newest movie in the DC Animated Universe. Following the events of The Death of Superman, several new people claiming to be Superman crop up. They include Superboy (voiced by Cameron Monaghan), Steel (voiced by Cress Williams), Cyborg Superman (voiced by Patrick Fabian), and the Eradicator (voiced by Charles Halford). Their will and strength are soon put to the test when it is revealed that Darkseid (voiced by Tony Todd) is planning an invasion. As usual, the animation is pretty damn strong, especially for an animated film that only had a one-night theatrical release and was primarily a direct-to-video film. However, this is true of most of DC’s animated outings. I think the animation is probably at its strongest during the action sequences. I also have to say that you shouldn’t go into this expecting a Justice league movie. They are a part of the film, but the part they play is very minor. As usual, a lot of the voice actors are pretty solid, especially Tony Todd as Darkseid. Todd, in my opinion, has always been one of the actors who elevates whatever movie he’s in just by being in it. It can be one of the worst pieces of dogshit, and he’ll still care. He also has one of those voices that just lends to him playing a great villain. I can’t say this film is perfect—or even one of my personal favorites of the DC Animated movies. For example, some of the tonal shifts didn’t always work for me. There’s a scene where a character dies (and it feels like something out of a horror movie). It just feels weird for a movie that, otherwise, does a strong job trying to balance action and humor. It’s hard to pinpoint who the main character is. I say this because Superman (voiced by Jerry O’Connell) really isn’t in the movie very much. I suppose it’s possible to pick out Lois Lane (voiced by Rebecca Romijn), as a big part of the film is how Superman’s “death” affected her. She’s also the one investigating the new Supermen and is the one who discovers that one of them might not be all that he appears to be. I didn’t hate Romijn as Lois Lane, but I can’t really say she’s my personal favorite either. She isn’t awful. But, there’s something about her voicework that doesn’t suck me in 100%, and I can’t exactly say what it is. Despite the movie’s problems, I still enjoyed it overall. Am I going to rank this among the ranks of, say, Mask of the Phantasm, Under the Red Hood, Return of the Joker, Wonder Woman, Batman/Superman: Apocalypse, and Assault on Arkham? No. However, I still think this is decent enough to give a watch. 

6 / 10 

Final Destination 3

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Wendy (played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead) is enjoying a night at the carnival with her friends before graduation. While on a rollercoaster, she and everybody she cares about is killed gruesomely when the ride goes off the tracks. It all turns out to be a vision. Wendy freaks out, and manages to get a group of people off the ride. She is horrified when she she sees her vision come true, and everyone that stayed on the ride-including her boyfriend and her best friend-are killed. It doesn't take long before Death starts stalking the survivors. I admit to being a fan of this franchise, possibly even an apologist in some cases. Let's start things off with the positives. The lead performance by Mary Elizabeth Winstead is actually really good (probably better than the material she has to work with). The kills are pretty creative (as they usually are). You know things are probably pretty solid when Death manages to make good use of mix between tanning beds and the honest-to-God stupidity of the characters. At least, that's kind of what I took out of it.There's a bit more of a cynicism to this movie that I kind of like. A character cracks a joke about how Death was sitting behind him on the rollercoaster. It doesn't really feel forced to me. But, I can't really say it's going to work for everybody. I also like the incorporation of the photographs, as it actually makes sense in the concept of the Final Destination universe. It feels a legitimately good progression of the signs from the previous films in the franchise. On the more negative side of things, this movie is really easy to pick apart. There are a ton of plot holes that you either going to forgive or get mad at. I'll admit that I do kind of lean more on the side of forgiving them. As much as I appreciate this movie's more hardcore gore compared to the first two films, the use of CGI blood is kind of distracting, and I'm not a particular fan of it. The character development is pretty thin. Even our lead doesn't really have a lot of development to her. Some of the dialogue (while not awful) can be clunky. For example, we're constantly told that Wendy is a control freak, but we're never really shown it. Would I consider this the best film in the Final Destination franchise? No, but it's still a fun way to kill 90 minutes.

6 / 10 

My Bloody Valentine (1981)

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A man named T.J. Hanniger (played by Paul Kelman) returns to his hometown following a failed attempt to strike out on his own. He attempts to reconnect with his ex-girlfriend, Sarah (played by Lori Hallier) and his former best friend Axel (played by Neil Affleck). This leads to a love triangle between the three. The town has a dark history of its own. You see, ten years prior there was a mining accident on Valentine's Day. Several miners were trapped. One of them-Harry Warden-ate his fellow miners purely to survive. He would eventually snap and kill people before seemingly being put down. Upon his apparent death, he left a warning that he would return should the town choose to celebrate Valentine's Day again. Naturally (because this is a slasher film) the young people decide that it's time to put on a Valentine's party again. A killer in a mining outfit begins to rack up a body count, but we're never completely sure who exactly the killer is. It could be Harry Warden himself. It could also be a copycat. The acting is actually pretty solid (which doesn't often feel like something easily said about slasher films). The practical effects are incredible-and the aspect I find to be superior to the remake. As much as I honestly do enjoy this film, I do have some problems with it. Firstly, I didn't really care about the love triangle (and it's one of the things the film kind of hinges on). The other issue I really had with this movie is that I personally feel that the whodunit aspect could have been a bit stronger. I felt like occasionally, you'd get something with the police trying to investigate. The problem is, it never really feels like it has any effect on the overall story. To be fair, neither one of these is done badly. I just don't think they were done as strongly as they could have been. I have gone on record to say that I believe the remake of My Bloody Valentine actually is the better film, and I still stand by that. However, I do have to say that the original is still a solid film that was made at exactly the right time it could have been made. 

6 / 10