North

image source

North is one of those movies that I feel almost at a loss to review. Released in 1994, the film follows a young boy named North (played by Elijah Wood) who divorces his parents and travels the world searching for new ones. This movie is a lot of things. It's bizarre, surreal, and stupid. The one thing I can definitely say it isn't is funny. You know what, saying this movie is unfunny might be too nice. Let me be more blunt. North is a barren wasteland of comedy. If you think I'm being too harsh on this movie, then know this: it is unbelievably easy to make me laugh. So, naturally I will be harder on this movie than most others. It probably doesn't help that North couldn't even manage to get a smirk out of me. To give an example of what this movie's sense of humor is like, there's a scene of dialogue following North's decision to divorce his parents. A random parent says "They won't take this lying down." The film then smash cuts to North's parents (played by Jason Alexander and Julia Louise-Dreyfuss) fainting. Ha. Ha. Ha. I know that this movie is from the mid 90s, but I still find it a little problematic that they cast Kathy Bates as a Native American (and spray paint her tan to do so). I would actually have a lot less of an issue with just keeping Kathy Bates white. I'll give Elijah Wood some credit. He is the only actor who seems like he's trying to give a decent performance. Everyone else is clearly phoning it in. The most obvious example of proving to have an "I don't give a shit" performance is Bruce Willis. Alright, I've talked about the movie's awful humor and half-assed acting. At this point, I need to talk about what might one of the worst parts of this movie, the ending. I could say spoilers, but this movie is 25 years old, and isn't worth seeking out. At all. They went for the "it was all a dream plot twist." The reason this doesn't work isn't because it's one of the most tired cliches ever (even if that really doesn't help). It doesn't work because it actually makes most of the movie pointless. Plot developments feel like they just kind of happen as the movie goes on. They don't come off as happening organically. It feels more like they come up as the script is being written instead. I think this might actually be one of the worst movies I've ever seen. North is one of those movies that I actually hate more the more I think about it. 

1 / 10