Fifty Shades Freed

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I am happy. I am fucking happy. I’m not happy because somebody gleaned something good out of this shitty trilogy. I am happy because it is over! That said, this actually might have been the one I enjoyed the most. I could kind of tell that from the beginning. Again, this is a terrible movie. Right from the get-go, the two leads (Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan) don’t really try to hide their contempt. They still have no chemistry, but you can kind of tell they’re probably just as happy this is over as the rest of us are. Hell, I feel like every time they talk, you can practically hear them asking “where’s the paycheck?” under their breaths Plot wise, this is almost as meandering as the first two movies. Almost nothing happens. I still have the same moral problems with this movie that I had with the first two, I feel like a broken record, but I really feel like this is glorifying a toxic relationship, and trying to pass it off as romantic. Christian Grey is verbally and mentally abusive, while Anastasia Steele is weak-willed moron that doesn’t seem to question much of anything. The sex scenes are still dull, uninspired and lifeless. The writing is just as juvenile and atrocious as ever. Then again what else can I expect with the line “it’s like boobs in boob land,” before I’m even ten minutes in? The editing in this movie is awful. I have no idea what sort of time frame this movie goes through. In one scene Christian Grey is clean-shaven. In the next scene he has a beard. The movie will go through one boring plodding scene. The next scene will be someone breaking into Christian Grey’s company (feeling more like it should come from a Jason Bourne movie). Am I just a little more forgiving towards this movie because I am praying it’s finally over? Maybe. On the other hand, this is the first one in the series to actually give me some unintentional laughs just from the seething hatred the two leads don’t even really bother trying to hide.

2 /10