Top 11 Worst Movies of 2016

Now it's time for the flip side of the coin.

Dishonorable Mentions:

These are bad movies that just didn't quite make the cut (and they feel lucky because of it.)

Zoolander 2, Ice Age: Continental Drift, Inferno, Assassin's Creed, When the Bough Breaks, Little Dead Rotting Hood, Cell

#11: Gods of Egypt: Gods of Egypt is hilariously bad for a number of reasons (the reason it's so low on my list.) The movie is completely miscast and overacted on all counts. The effects are laughably bad. It's certainly bad, but I can't say I was ever mad.

#10: God's Not Dead 2: God's Not Dead 2 suffers from bad acting, writing, and directing. The characters are thinly written, and the cast is bloated all to hell.

#9: Meet the Blacks: One of the worst attempts at parody I think I've ever seen (and I've seen Scary Movie 5.) The jokes aren't funny and the acting sucks.

#8: Boo! A Madea Halloween: If there's anything that the latest Madea movie proves to me, it's this: Tyler Perry shouldn't be allowed to make movies anymore. The story here meanders, and the actors just ramble and talk all over each other.

#7: The Other Side of the Door: The Other Side of the Door is an awful horror movie that strands a talented cast in the middle of this crap. The scares are forced, lazy, and tired. Everything else, meanwhile, is just plain dull.

#6: The Last Heist: I thought this movie would be a lot higher than it ended up being. The actors were awful. The directing was cheap. The writing was atrocious. The idea was interesting, but the execution did nothing with this movie.

#5: Norm of the North: So, this movie was originally supposed to be direct-to-DVD. Instead, it was shoved into a theatrical release in January. The makers of this movie  seem to think a twerking polar bear and a forced environmental message go hand-in-hand.

#4: The Disappointments Room: The Disappointments Room is one of those awful, awful movies that goes absolutely nowhere. Kate Beckinsale is totally wasted in the movie(AND SHE PLAYS THE MAIN CHARACTER!) The entire thing is just dull and pointles.

#3: Shut In: This movie might've been a lot lower on my list. Unfortunately, it has one of the the absolute worst twists I've ever seen. What came before was already bad, but that twist just sank everything even lower.

#2: Nine Lives: This is a Shaggy Dog rip-off starring Kevin Spacey (whom I can only assume was blackmailed into being in this movie.) The acting is terrible. The effects are shit. I have no idea why this movie exists.

#1: Max Steel: As soon as I saw the final result of what these people seemed to think a Max Steel movie should've been, I knew exactly what the worst movie of 2016 was going to be.Max Steel offers nothing of value. There are no redeeming qualities to be found. This movie was so bad, I actually had to break down why this movie didn't work.

Top 10 Best Movies of 2016

2016 was something of an interesting year all around. Before I get into my list, I want to say that I did not get a chance to see everything I wanted to see. I just didn't get the time to see Manchester By the Sea, Moonlight, Silence, or La La Land. 

Honorable Mentions:

I had a couple movies I actually liked quite a bit that just couldn't quite make the cut.

Hell or High Water, Suicide Squad, Rogue One, Lights Out, Ouija: Origin of Evil, Hail, Caesar, Moana

#10: Sing Street: Sing Street told a classic story in a unique way, and was backed up by a pretty damn good soundtrack to boot. It's a lesser-known movie, so if you are able to, check this one out.

#9: Hacksaw Ridge: Mel Gibson returns to directing for a harrowing, yet uplifting war story about Desmond Doss, a conscientious objector who lists in World War II to save lives as a medic. He saved 75 men, without ever firing a weapon.

#8: 10 Cloverfield Lane: Much of 10 Cloverfield Lane is a small, tense thriller. The whole time, you follow three people. John Goodman in this movie is as frightening and uneasy as it can possibly get.

#7: Star Trek Beyond: A lot of People were utterly worried when the trailer for this movie dropped. The final result was actually a really damn good movie with a fantastic cast that worked off each other unbelievably well.

#6: The Nice Guys: The Nice Guys is a wonderful, neo-noir crime comedy written and directed by Shane Black. Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe work off each other excellently, and are both perfectly cast. But, the absolute scene stealer is newcomer Angourie Rice as Gosling's daughter.

#5: Zootopia: Zootopia has this amazing world set up with excellent characters, a story that tries far harder than it probably would've in lesser hands, and fantastic animation that breathes life into my favorite animated movie of the year.

#4: Don't Breathe: There were points where I felt legitimately claustrophobic watching Don't Breathe. There were points in this movie where I wanted to cringe. I say all of this with the utmost praise and enthusiasm. This was easily my favorite horror movie of the year, with amazing tension and great performances by Jane Levy and Stephen Lang.

#3: Captain America: Civil War: Civil War raised the stakes in the Marvel Cinematic Universe by literally tearing these heroes we've seen for years as friends apart. There's a legitimate grey area explored in this movie where you understand both sides clearly, and may find yourself switching sides constantly.

#2: Deadpool: I think Deadpool may just be the shot of adrenaline superhero movies need right now. This is a hard-R superhero movie that made over $700 million at the worldwide box office. It was a great movie because it stuck to the character it was trying to portray.

#1: Arrival: Arrival was a movie that really made me think. I watched this movie once. I loved it. It's actually grown on me quite a bit the more I've thought and thought about it. The actors are excellent. The story is intriguing. It's slow-paced, but it's never boring.

 

Assassin's Creed

 

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Callum Lynch (Michael Fassbender) is a criminal who is executed for murder. It is revealed however that a shady organization run by Alan Rikkin (Jeremy Irons) and his daughter Sophia (Marion Cottilard) faked his death, and need his help with something. Callum’s ancestor hid something away that the elder Rikkin wants for his own. To do this, they use a machine that will allow Callum to relive the past memories and experiences of his ancestor. The plot feels very complicated and convoluted. I can’t speak for whether or not this movie is accurate to the game (I never played the game), so I’m judging this one based on its merits as a film. First things first, I am aware that the game series this movie is based on is rated M for Mature. So, I feel like the PG-13 rating is a hinderance more than anything. The action sequences, while impressive to an extent, feel watered down. This movie plays things a little too safe. The movie does delve into obnoxious, ugly shaky-cam at points. Thankfully, it’s never too distracting. The movie’s cast is talented. I know this. I’ve seen these actors do fantastic work in other, better movies. Most of the cast plays the movie completely flat and monotone. The worst offender of this is easily Marion Cotillard. She is an Oscar-winning actress, but he shows no emotion or investment here. Thankfully, Michael Fassbender seems to be the exception to the rule. He actually seems invested in his performance. The pacing could’ve been far better handled. When Callum enters the machine and we the audience is in the 1400s, it is a little more interesting. The problem is, we don’t get this for very long. The rest of the movie is more of a slow, plodding chore of a movie. Assassin’s Creed shows glimmers of potential, but it all feels completely wasted.  

3 / 10  

The Legend of Tarzan

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The Legend of Tarzan is directed by David Yates of Harry Potter fame. The film stars Alexander Skarsgaard, Margot Robbie, Christoph Waltz, and Samuel L. Jackson. One of the first things I noticed about this movie was that it felt somewhat edited down. Within the first ten minutes, we get this big action set piece. I could be wrong, but it just seemed like this scene was meant to be much more visceral, almost like they were actively trying for that PG-13 rating.  On something of an unrelated note, The Legend of Tarzan makes it look like this movie is going to be an origin story, and it really isn’t. Flashbacks come in every now and then to try and just using an origin story. Unfortunately, they just feel jarring, and don’t work within the story nearly as well as they probably should. The pacing of the movie doesn’t always work either. The action sequences are entertaining, and David Yates directs them to best of his ability. Some of the slower parts of the movie can feel a bit too slow at times, and drag the movie down. Some of the backstories in this movie I found more interesting than others. They did some things with the Jane character that I liked. They changed her up a little bit, and of course Margot Robbie comes to play (as she typically does). The other character I really found myself liking quite a bit was the character of George Washington Williams (Samuel L. Jackson). He has understandable motivations for why he wants to go into the jungle and explore. The visual effects are also pretty damn solid, for the most part. The lions and apes actually looked pretty good to me. On the other hand, some of the CGI crocodiles really could’ve been cleaned up a little bit better. Overall, The Legend of Tarzan has some noticeable chinks in its armor, but I do believe it’s decent enough for a one-time watch.

7 / 10      

Alice Through the Looking Glass

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I know I’m in a minority, but I actually enjoyed Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. It wasn’t perfect, but I thought it was decent enough. Even though Tim Burton didn’t direct this sequel, I was still kind of curious to see what this movie had to offer. This time around, Alice (Mia Wasikowska) has spent the last couple years travelling the world. She returns to London to discover that her ex-fiancée has taken over her father’s company, and has bought her family house. While a party for the man, she comes across the caterpillar Absolem (voiced by Alan Rickman in his final film role), and ultimately chases after him, returning to “Wonderland.” Her friends then task her with trying to save The Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp). She must contend with the humanized version of Time (Sacha Baron Cohen) and the returning Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter). So, I think it will be easier to start with the negatives I have with the movie. The story is a bit of a mess. There feels like way too much going on, even more so than in the first movie. A good portion of the movie deals with the relationship between Anne Hathaway and Helena Bonham Carter, and how their relationship went south. But, when you actually see what the reason is, it just doesn’t feel all that important. The wide-angle shots feel too much, too often. Most of the time, I feel like my personal space is being violated. The acting is kind of hard to quantify. For example, Mia Wasikowska kind of walks this thin line between being good and being bad in her performance this time around. Meanwhile, returning performers like Anne Hathaway, Johnny Depp, and Helena Bonham Carter do the same thing they did previously, only not as good. Newcomer Sacha Baron Cohen tries his usual schtick, and it just doesn’t work. The movie isn’t a total loss, however. The one actor I actually do want to compliment in this movie is Andrew Scott. In his brief performance, he goes suitably over the top. The movie also looks great. The visual effects are top notch, and the sets bring up the perfect amount of both weird and gorgeous. In the end, Alice Through the Looking Glass suffers from all–around messy execution. I did actually end up enjoying the movie, despite its numerous flaws, even if I think there was a much better movie in here somewhere.

6 / 10  

The Magnificent Seven

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A young woman (Haley Bennett) seeks help from bounty hunter Sam Chisolm (Denzel Washington) to get rid of a man terrorizing her hometown. From there, Chisolm recruits six other men to aid him. Antoine Fuqua directs the movie, and once again, he shows an understanding of how to direct action. The other thing I noticed Fuqua knows how to do within this movie is build suspense. The tension that leads up to many of the action scenes can only be described as a powder keg. Of course it helps knowing that Washington, Pratt, and Byug Hun-Lee are all proven action stars. The cast is excellent. Washington, Chris Pratt, Haley Bennett, Ethan Hawke, Byung Hun-Lee, Peter Sarsgaard, and Vincent D’Onofrio all work in their respective roles, and work off each other brilliantly. In particular, I enjoyed watching the actors playing the magnificent seven. These men have great chemistry, and the quiet moments involving these men actually help build their characters. In my opinion, Chris Pratt serves as the movie’s standout performer, however. Some of his typical Chris Pratt-isms are there, but they are very few. His character is a drunken gambler who is mostly likable due to Pratt’s charisma. Something I found interesting is that this movie carries a PG-13 rating. I say this because there are multiple points where I feel that the movie pushes the boundaries of its rating. I also want to compliment the movie’s production design. I can actually feel a lot of the old west setting of the movie based on the sets. The bar scenes have something of a grimy, dirty feel to them, which I honestly appreciate. Admittedly, the movie doesn’t really cover any new ground. This is a story I’ve seen multiple times before. However, the ride I was on for this movie was just a ton of fun.

9 / 10   

The Accountant

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The Accountant is directed by Gavin O’Connor. The film stars Ben Affleck, Anna Kendrick, John Lithgow, J.K. Simmons, Cynhtia Addai-Robinson, and Jon Bernthal.  Christian Wolff is an accountant who specializes in cooking the books for people dealing in illegal activities. He and a junior accountant for a company stumble across an embezzling scheme. The two are soon targeted for assassination, and must find a way out of their predicament. Gavin O’Connor provides a fairly unconventional take with The Accountant’s story. There are a multitude of flashbacks that help add to the protagonist’s development and backstory. The movie has something of a slow burn to it, and it actually works for me. Every now and then, some action sequences are sprinkled in, which are very well handled. Affleck and Seth Lee share the role of Christian Wolff. (Affleck is the adult, and Lee is the child). I would like to compliment both of these performers. The character is on the Autism spectrum, and both actors believably nail the mannerisms of someone on the spectrum. To be fair, the whole cast is incredibly strong. Anna Kendrick portrays Dana Cummings, the other accountant with just the right amount of quirkiness and pluckiness, while coming across as a layered character. Affleck and Kendrick actually work off each other really well. J.K. Simmons plays the law enforcement agent hunting Wolff. The other major standout to me is Jon Bernthal as the movie’s primary villain. Overall, The Accountant works due to great writing, directing, acting, and storytelling.

9 / 10