Suspiria

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Suspiria might just be one of the most unique films I have ever seen. For this reason, I almost feel like I am at a loss now that I have to try and review it. I want to try and describe the plot, but I don't necessarily know how. It almost seems as though there is a mystery within the film. However, our heroine, Susie (played by Jessica Harper) kind of stumbles into it. At times, it doesn't come across to me as though the story is really what drives the film. The story is definitely there, and I actually did enjoy it, even if I can admit that it is not the movie's greatest strength. Much of the film's acting is pretty damn strong. Jessica Harper really stands out to me. I love the film's atmosphere as well. Argento makes a lot of the film feel incredibly eerie. One of the things that I really think works in this movie's favor is the pacing. In a lot of ways, it feels like a slow burn. There are deaths sprinkled throughout the film. But, they don't ever feel jarring or out of place. The climax is damn near insane. What I love is that it actually feels like this film built up to something, and it felt earned. As much as I honestly enjoyed this film, I did have some problems with it. The score by Goblin is amazing as well. It doesn't seem to matter whether it is subtle and quiet, or loud and bombastic. No matter what, it always has something of a creepy vibe to it, and I actually really like that about this film. Keep in mind, these aren't major issues for me, and they don't really detract from the overall product. But, they are there, and they should be addressed. For starters, the very beginning of the film has some narration that explains why Susie is going to Germany. The thing is, I feel like this is something the audience can easily pick up, and it makes this initial narration unnecessary. The second issue I have with the film is that, sometimes the dubbing just felt kind of off. Now, most of it worked fine. There just were those occasional moments where I found it to be a touch distracting. Like I said, the problems I had with the film were very minor problems. I can see why this film is genuinely considered a classic, and I honestly have to recommend to any horror fans out there who haven't seen the film yet.   

8 / 10 

The Last House on the Left

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The Last House on the Left is the directorial debut from Wes Craven (a man who actually helped influence my personal love of horror as a genre). The horror of this film comes what is real. A young woman named Mari (played by Sandra Peabody) goes with her friend Phyllis (played by Lucy Grantham) to attend a concert. The two girls are abducted, and subjected to unimaginable horrors. This is Craven's first feature film, and it clearly shows the man's skills. One of the film's greatest strengths is the dialogue. It is legitimately well-written. The horror portrayed in this film is real. It is a film that makes you feel dirty just for watching it, and I honestly don't mean that in a bad way. When I say that these two girls are subjected to awful things, I mean it. They are moments that are legitimately hard to watch, even in moments where Craven shows restraint. I think this is because the implication of what happens can be just as frightening as what we actually do see. Another thing that I actually think works in this movie's favor is the time frame in which it came out. I feel like this is a movie that could have only come out in the 1970s. OK, now that I really have the praises for the film out of the way, it's really time I come clean with how I felt about The Last House on the Left as a film. I appreciate the film more than I honestly like it. The pacing doesn't always work for me. Even in some of the film's more menacing moments, it still felt like the film was moving a little slowly. The film's soundtrack didn't always work for me either. It felt like it was supposed to be a juxtaposition for the heinous acts the film's villains were committing. For me, a lot of it was just kind of distracting. The film also had some tonal issues. It would cut from a moment that was legitimately horrifying to a goofball moment with the film's two cops. A lot of the scenes with the cops just felt out of place. Overall, I have to respect The Last House on the Left for the influence it had on the genre. The film was where one of my personal favorite filmmakers got his start. It's an important inclusion into the rape-revenge sub-genre. However, it isn't a movie I personally cared for. I would still say to see it if you haven't and make up your own mind. Who knows? You may find something in this film that I personally didn't.

5 / 10 

Slaughterhouse Rulez

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Slaughterhouse Rulez was released in theaters in Great Britain last year. To my knowledge, it hasn't been released officially in the United States, either in theaters or direct-to-video. This was a movie I watched on an airplane because I was curious about it. After a fracking accident, monsters are unleashed to wreak havoc on a prestigious English boarding school. There was actually quite a bit to this movie I genuinely really liked. For starters, the performances were pretty strong all around. The cast includes the likes of Asa Butterfield, Michael Sheen, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and Margot Robbie. I will be completely fair. This movie probably isn't for everybody. The movie does have a tricky balancing act to work through. The first half is sort of a typical school comedy. The second half is more of the genre fair I went into this movie expecting. The people who want the genre-style second half may be put off by the first half's slower pace. The people who might want more of what the first half has to offer may be turned by the second half's off-the-wall violence and gore. However, I did still enjoy the movie I saw. The characters are generally pretty quirky (something I think surprisingly works in the film's favor). The film's visual effects are all practical, and I honestly really appreciated that. I will admit that the film's biggest wasted opportunity was the fact that Simon Pegg and Nick Frost only share one scene together. These two are one of the greatest comedy teams of the 21st century, so I would have liked to see them work off each other more in this movie. Margot Robbie probably didn't need to be in this movie. Her character really could have played by anybody, and the character never appears in person, only through a phone screen. To be fair, all three of them still do a good job with what they have been given . The lead performances by Asa Butterfield, Finn Cole, and Hermione Corfield genuinely work. They are the ones I think needed to work the most, as these three are the ones who anchor the film. I like that, for the most part, the characters actually have some depth to them. This is the type of movie that I could easily see becoming a cult film in the years to come. It's a movie that I fully recognize is far from perfect. However, I was genuinely glad I chose to watch it.

7 / 10 

Thirteen Ghosts

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There isn't really a reason that I want to talk about the 2001 remake of Thirteen Ghosts. I'm talking about it just because I felt like talking about it. When his uncle is is apparently killed in a ghost hunting accident, Recent widower Arthur (played by Tony Shalhoub) moves into his uncle's giant glass house along with his two kids and the family housekeeper. Before too long, the family is confronted by a psychic named Dennis (played by Matthew Lillard) trying to warn them about the ghosts that Arthur's uncle Cyrus (played by F. Murray Abraham) has contained in the house's basement. OK, obviously Thirteen Ghosts isn't a great movie. But, it's one of those horror movies I watch when I just want something I can have fun with. I guess I should address the negatives first because they are there. The movie has a twist involving F. Murray Abraham's character. I won't lie, you can probably figure it out pretty quickly, even if I don't give the actual twist away. The movie also uses CGI. I can't really speak to how the CGI would have looked when the movie came out in 2001. Looking at it from a 2019 perspective, I can easily say that a lot of it looks bad. There isn't a ton of character development. I do think that there's just enough that it doesn't really bother me that much. For example, the lawyer character is your typical one-dimensional sleazy lawyer that appears in a lot of movies. J.R. Bourne, the actor who plays the character, does solid enough with what he's given. The problem is the character's just kind of there to die. Honestly, everything else about the film kind of works for me. The house looks really cool, and there are some legitimately cool effects when the walls shift and turn. The makeup effects on the titular ghosts are really good. But, if I'm being honest, Matthew Lillard is my favorite part of this movie. He manages to make a lot of the humor he's been given work. It helps that the man tends to put a lot of energy and charisma into whatever role he plays. No, Lillard is not the greatest actor in the world, but he's usually the most fun person to watch, and this film is no exception. Overall, Thirteen Ghosts is just good enough for me. The fun stuff lets me easily look past the movie's weaker elements.

6 / 10  

The Leprechaun Movies Ranked

Well, now that I have officially seen and reviewed all of the Leprechaun movies, my next goal is to finally rank them from worst to best. Keep in mind, I don't really see these movies as much more than guilty pleasures at their best. So, here we go.

#8: Leprechaun: Origins: To be fair, the acting isn't awful. The concept is kind of interesting. But, the writing and directing is so haphazardly bad, that the film never really utilizes its potential. The worst thing about the film is that there's no sense of fun, or even much of a sense of humor. I don't want a Leprechaun movie that takes itself seriously.

#7: Leprechaun in the Hood: Of the original run of Leprechaun movies (I consider Origins to be more of a reboot), this is the one I consider to be my least favorite. It's not as fun as it could be. It's mostly just kind of boring. I don't really care about the characters at all. And I'm sorry, I don't really buy Ice-T as an intimidating villain.

#6: Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood: In a lot of respests, Back 2 tha Hood is a slight improvement over In the Hood. That doesn't say a lot because the characters still don't leave much of an impact. I enjoy some of the kills, and had a little bit of fun. All that said, it's still on the lower end of the scale for the Leprechaun franchise in my eyes.

#5: Leprechaun 2: I'd forgotten that this movie was one of the duller films in the franchise. Part of the issue for me could be the character Bridgette. She's incredibly unlikable, and horribly acted. On the other hand, the kills in this film can be a lot of fun. Warwick Davis plays the titular leprechaun for the first six films of the franchise, and he's always the best part of those films.

#4: Leprechaun 3: I think Leprechaun 3's greatest strength (outside of Warwick Davis's performance) is its setting. Las Vegas truly feels like the best possible place to have the leprechaun wreak havoc. The kills are dumb, cheesy fun. Admittedly, the acting's not very good. However, I still think this is a fun movie.

#3: Leprechaun 4: In Space: Let's get one thing straight. This movie is awful. But, it's one of the films I generally have the most fun with in the series. It's a Leprechaun movie that takes place in space, and I think they know how ridiculous the film is. This movie is as high as it is purely out of my personal enjoyment, and not based on the film's actual quality.

#2: Leprechaun Returns: I like that this film is a direct sequel to the very first Leprechaun film. While he's no Warwick Davis, I actually don't mind Linden Porco as the leprechaun. The kills are both creative and gory, and I honestly admire that. The acting's nothing special, but it's not the worst I've seen.

#1: Leprechaun: Is Leprechaun a great movie. No. However, I still really enjoy this movie despite its flaws. This is probably the best acted film in the franchise (which I admit isn't saying much). The kills are hit and miss. The film doesn't take itself that seriously, and I really appreciate that.

So there you have it. That's my personal ranking on the eight films in the Leprechaun franchise. Do you agree? Do you disagree? I would love to know.

Leprechaun: Origins

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Four American friends (played by Stephanie Bennett, Andrew Dunbar, Melissa Roxburgh, and Brendan Fletcher) are touring Ireland for the summer. They stop in a village, and end up staying in a cabin in the woods after talking to a local man named Hamish (played by Garry Chalk). It doesn't take too long before they end up being terrorized by the titular leprechaun (played by WWE's Hornswoggle). I went into Leprechaun: Origins with a sense of dread. I haven't really heard anything good about this movie (even from Leprechaun fans). From the moment this thing started, I realized I should have heeded every warning about how awful this film was. It certainly didn't help my case that I had decided to review all of the Leprechaun movies this month. Before really delving into what didn't work for me about this movie, I should start by talking about the things I actually did like (however few there are). This is one of the better acted films in the franchise, even if that really isn't saying much. Brendan Fletcher is clearly the best part of the movie. He performs circles around many of his co-stars just through sheer charisma. I also like the film's concept (which might just make the final product that much more infuriating). The village got greedy and stole the leprechaun's gold, so they now have to sacrifice outsiders to stave off the creature's wrath. This is actually premise with potential. OK, I'm done being nice. One of this film's biggest detriments is a lack of Warwick Davis. The leprechaun is nothing more than a creature. This is a thing that has no real personality or character. The effects on this thing (I don't dare call it a leprechaun). are unimpressive, to put it nicely. The actual creature looks bad. It also sees in a Predator-style gold vision. The film is poorly written and poorly directed. Any character development feels out of nowhere and unjustified. The exposition is clunky at best. While the acting is halfway decent, some of these characters are some of the most thoroughly unlikable characters I have ever seen in one of these movies. The pacing is horrible. It's a slow, plodding slog. Some of the performances work. A couple of kills are kind of cool. Everything else is horrendous. Is Leprechaun: Origins the absolute worst movie I've ever seen? No. However, it is still a piece of shit, and the worst film of the Leprechaun franchise.

2 / 10 

Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood

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Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood was somewhat of an improvement over the previous film in the series. On the downside, that isn't really saying much. This is because while Leprechaun in the Hood isn't the worst of the franchise, it's easily the most dull and uninteresting. The acting is better in this film overall than some of the previous Leprechaun movies. I mean, it isn't really anything terribly special. The character development is still thin to a point that I don't really care that much. The story is still pretty standard. I know that might seem like an unusual complaint for someone to have when reviewing a slasher movie. However, this isn't one where I felt like there was nearly enough of a sense of fun. A lot of slasher movies (good or bad) still have a sense of charm and fun to them, and that allows me to look past some of the more noticeable problems. Even a lot of the Leprechaun movies have had this sort of odd charm to them. Keep in mind, I am somebody who really enjoys slasher movies. There's a little bit of that here, just not as much as I would have personally liked. The kills in this film aren't the best in the franchise, but I do think there is a little more creativity in this film than there was in Leprechaun in the Hood. A couple of the kills are actually pretty fun in this film, something I felt was missing from the previous film. I want to heap as much praise as I possibly can on Warwick Davis as the leprechaun in this film, especially because this is the last time he played the leprechaun. He even managed to work through having the say the line "what's up ninjas?" and still try and have a level of dignity. To me, that might be the most impressive moment in this film. Overall, this film is neither the best nor the worst of the franchise. I certainly liked it more than Leprechaun in the Hood. But, I'm still going to find myself going back to the first four films in the series before I ever come back to this film. Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood is incredibly mediocre. It's nowhere near as fun as it could be. But, it also could have been a lot worse.

5 / 10    

Leprechaun in the Hood

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I think this is the movie in the Leprechaun franchise that confuses me the most. The leprechaun ends up in a dingy part of L.A. (mostly because the film didn't have the budget to use shots of the legitimate Los Angeles). I think this is the movie that just bored me the most in the series. Yes, Warwick Davis is giving his all like he always seems to do. Unfortunately, that's about the only piece of the film that worked for me. The characters in this film are some of the most stock people I have ever seen in a horror film. They aren't unlikable, per se. But, they don't have enough personality for me to care either. I feel like they are there, and nothing else. The kills in the film don't really leave much of an impression on me one way or the other. At least I remember how uninventive the kills in the first Leprechaun movie were. At least I remember how inventive the kills from parts 2, 3, and 4 could actually get. This is the first film where I really felt like the franchise was starting to run out of steam. I can only remember select moments of the film, and not in a particularly positive way. There's a scene where the leprechaun kills a transgender person, while the other characters think they are just having sex. Honestly, it just made me uncomfortable. And, I don't think it was done in the way the filmmakers really intended. I wasn't scared. I just didn't feel like this was a scene that was really needed for the movie. There's also a point where the leprechaun raps. I wish I was making that up. If that sounds like it was probably a bad idea from the start, that's because it was. The last thing I remember is just how awful Ice-T was in this movie. He's supposed to be the film's secondary antagonist, and I never once believed that he was actually a credible threat. The Leprechaun franchise is one that primarily works on a guilty pleasure level for me. This is the first time I had to watch a Leprechaun movie and just found it dull. It wasn't particularly fun. Is this one of the worst movies I've ever seen? No. I don't even think I can call it the worst film in the Leprechaun series (that's something I'll get to). Overall, I was happy to see that Warwick Davis was still having some fun. I just kind of wish that everything surrounding him could have been a lot more fun than the final result that we were given.

4 / 10 

Captain Marvel

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Carol Danvers (played by Brie Larson) is a highly trained, highly skilled warrior. When a mission hunting shapeshifting aliens called Skrulls is botched, she crash-lands on Earth circa 1995. She contacts her mentor (played by Jude Law) and she continues her mission to find the leader of the Skrulls, Talos (played by Ben Mendelsohn). Along the way, she teams up with Nick Fury (played by Samuel L. Jackson) and a cat named Goose. Larson does a legitimately good job as Danvers, and really handles all of her character’s aspects really well. But, if there is one person who really serves as the film’s standout, it’s Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury. Here, Fury is a younger man who hasn’t yet been exposed to superheroes. Larson and Jackson truly have a phenomenal back and forth. The film’s visual effects are pretty damn solid (especially the de-aging effects on Jackson and Clark Gregg as Coulson). The action scenes are pretty good too. Occasionally, I did notice some shaky cam. Yes, the fact that this is something that’s still here bothers me. On the plus, there really isn’t that much of it. I will say that the film doesn’t always mesh tonally—or, at least as well as it could have. A lot of the humor works for me. However, I do have to say that it doesn’t work nearly as well as it has in other Marvel movies. Some of the pacing can drag the movie out a little bit. Granted, it’s never done to a point where it annoys me or really bothers me a lot. The problems I have with the movie never really reach a point where they bother me. But, they do reach a point where I notice them, and have to take note of them. The opinions on this film have probably been the most widely varied out of all of the movies within the MCU. For me, this ranks somewhere in the middle of the films within the Marvel Cinematic Universe. There is a lot that works for me, and that I enjoyed. However, there are elements that I think could have been smoothed out a little bit more, and a little bit better. I would only recommend seeing this theaters to hardcore fans. Causal fans can probably wait for video. 

7 / 10 

Leprechaun 4: In Space

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How do I describe Leprechaun 4: In Space? By all accounts, this really is an awful movie. There is very little about the film that works on a legitimate level. The effects in this film are probably the absolute worst in the Leprechaun franchise. The CGI in the film has even been called awful by those who worked on it. The writing in this film is probably the cheesiest writing of the franchise. There is next to nothing in terms of actual character development. The main protagonist of the film is supposedly a scientist. I say supposedly because I don't really buy it for a second. She's the stereotypical hot blonde who is forced to strip down to her underwear by the end of the film. The actress (her name is Jessica Collins) doesn't really show the acting chops necessary to make me believe her performance in absolutely any respect. Yet, I still enjoy this movie. A lot. As usual, Warwick Davis has the time of his life playing the leprechaun. I think director Brian Trenchard-Smith (who also directed Leprechaun 3) and writer Dennis Pratt kind of knew the movie was ridiculous. I mean, the leprechaun is in space. Another example that sells me on this: one of the characters in the movie is an outer space nazi robot doctor. All of those words together should tell you everything you could possibly need to know about what this film is going to give you. This movie also has one of the most ridiculous, stupid, and amazing deaths I may have ever witnessed in a slasher movie. The leprechaun literally kills somebody by exploding out of their genitals. I couldn't make that up if I tried. The movie also features on my personal favorite genre actors, Miguel A. Nunez, Jr. This man's horror credentials speak for themselves (Friday the 13th: A New Beginning and Return of the Living Dead). I almost feel as though Leprechaun 4: In Space plays out more like an old school exploitation B-movie than anything else. This clearly isn't the best movie in the Leprechaun franchise, but it honestly might be the one I have the most fun with. In a series chock full of guilty pleasures, this one may just be the absolute guiltiest. If you've read this review, then by now you'll know whether you're interested in this movie or not. I feel as though I have described this wonderful piece of trash to the best of my ability.

6 / 10