Jeff's Film Reviews: February 2016

Monday, February 29, 2016

Gods of Egypt

So, this movie is called Gods of Egypt. Do you know what this movie has an abundance of? That’s right. White people playing Egyptians! Wait, what? Yeah, for some reason there isn’t a single Egyptian actor in this movie. Why? I don’t know. Here’s what I could make out in this incomprehensible, laughably awful mess of a movie. First off, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Gerard Butler are playing gods, yes. But, they’re also supposed to be playing nephew and uncle. Um, they are only a year apart in age. Gerard Butler has a very unconvincing tan, which only adds to the unintentional comedy of his entertainingly over the top performance. Gerard Butler and Geoffrey Rush don’t even seem to be aware that they are in this movie. There are legitimate attempts at humor, but they fall flat. This movie has some of the most atrocious writing I have ever seen. I love a line that Waldau has about a third of the way into the movie. He says something to the effect of “To kill the god of the desert, we must kill the desert itself.” My reaction was to laugh and say “What?!” Honestly, I can’t really be mad at this stupid movie. But I do have to be honest. The closest thing this movie has to a redeeming quality is that I found it hilarious, even though I don’t think that was really what the filmmakers were going for. Though, that’s hardly much of a compliment. As much as this movie did bring a smile to my face for all the wrong reasons, there really is only one rating I can give to this movie.

0 / 10

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny

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I’ll admit, this is one of those movies that I was interested in, although not particularly anticipating. Instead of Ang Lee, this movie was directed by Yuen Woo-ping, the fight choreographer of the first film and the man who directed movies like Drunken Master. For the most part, I feel he did a decent job with this movie. The martial arts sequences are breathtaking, though they do become a little slapstick-y at points. My biggest problem with the movie is the story and the way it’s paced. I find myself drifting in and out of being interested when I watch the movie. The acting is decent. Michelle Yeoh is fantastic in the movie, showing that her character has progressed. She’s a little older, a little more broken, but ever regal. It helps that she is the movie’s only returning cast member. Jason Scott Lee plays the film’s villain, and he is great, even though I don’t think the character was the most developed and well-written. So, do I think this is a bad movie? No. Do I think it pales in comparison to the first film? Yes. I believe the first film is one of the masterpieces as far as martial arts action films go. Sword of Destiny is far more uneven, and is not necessarily something I would give the highest recommendation to.

7 / 10

Friday, February 26, 2016

Prom Night (1980)

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I am a huge fan of 80s slasher flicks, and if you didn't know, now you do. Prom Night is one of those movies I'd heard about, but until recently hadn't really gotten the chance to actually see. The first act of the movie is a bit of a mixed bag. On the one hand, I do appreciate the small use of character development, even if it is unnecessary. I also like the direction a good deal of the time. The writing and directing is solid enough when building atmosphere and tension. The only downside I have to this is that at times, I feel that it does drag a touch. The movie's climax is fantastic. This is the point where the killer finally begins his spree, and these are the moments where the building of the tension and suspense really paid off. The acting can be hit and miss. For example, I thought Jamie Lee Curtis and Leslie Nielsen were great in the movie. On the other hand, the kid actors near the beginning of the movie weren't the best. I do want to compliment the killer's look as well. The black ski mask is simple, but effective. I do wish he wouldn't have discarded the mirror shard for the axe, mostly because a broken shard from a glass mirror is a rather unconventional weapon. Ultimately, the final result is what I consider to be a pretty good, albeit imperfect, slasher flick that I can certainly see helped write the rules we all know today. Despite its small flaws, I still recommend this movie to any fans of the slasher genre.

8 / 10

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Top 11 Green Day Songs

I did a top 11 list here because when I was putting the list together, I realized there was a song I would've had to leave off, and I just couldn't do that.

#11: Kill the DJ

#10: Wake Me Up When September Ends

#9: Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)

#8: 21 Guns

#7: Longview

#6: Brain Stew

#5: Basket Case

#4: American Idiot

#3: Welcome to Paradise

#2: Holiday

#1: Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

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So, it occurred to me that, for as much as I love this movie, I've never really gotten the chance to properly talk about it, which is a shame. Note that there are minor spoilers ahead. I feel like this movie is now something of a modern cult classic, with good reason. In Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine play two backwoods hillbillies who get caught up in a series of hilarious, bloody misunderstandings that all stem from what is perceived as a kidnapping. Tudyk and Labine make the two dimwitted rednecks sympathetic and lovable, effectively turning the trope of the killer hillbilly on its head by making them the heroes, and turning the leader of the college kids who normally would be the hero who saves the day into an anti-hillbilly psychopath. One of the things I love about this movie is that when all of these college kids die in the movie, they aren't murdered. They pretty much all die because of their own stupidity. At several points I have found myself quoting this movie, especially a line that goes "You're half hillbilly." If you want a gory, fun time that manages to poke fun at the typical tropes and turn them on their head simultaneously, then I absolutely recommend this movie.

10 / 10

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Top 50 Favorite TV Shows (20 - 11)

#20: Dead Like Me: Dead Like Me has a morbid, twisted, dark sense of humor to it. The basic gist of the show is that it follows grim reapers who reap the souls of the soon-to-be deceased. For me, it absolutely is the interactions between the reapers that make the show work, mostly because they talk about their job in the same way two cubicle workers might, as though it were very mundane and average.

#19: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: I'll admit, if it weren't for the constant changes and decline in quality the show went through the last few seasons, this probably would have been a lot higher, but I absolutely adore the earlier stuff. I much prefer CSI as a mystery show compared to something like Law & Order because where Law & Order only ever talked about who committed the crime and why, CSI delves into those aspects, but also explores how they did it, sort of the science of it.

#18: Gargoyles: I personally think Gargoyles may be the darkest, and most mature children's show Disney was ever able to produce in the mid-1990s. The heroes of the show, the gargoyles, were actually very tragic heroes. They were essentially screwed over by the human race, and cursed to stone for 1000 years. When they wake up, they find themselves in a whole new world (insert obvious Disney joke here) and despite the mistreatment they faced, they are almost all willing to keep fighting for a species that doesn't understand them.

#17: The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Not only is The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air hilarious, but it also introduced us to a few things, namely the Carlton as well as jump starting the acting career of Will Smith. The jokes are funny, and the characters are all pretty memorable and relatable.

#16: Doctor Who: Doctor Who is one of those shows that has gone on as long as it has for good reason. I feel like this show is sort of like the TV Series version of James Bond. Every couple of years the role is recast, and the new actor manages to keep the character in tact, while bringing a fresh take to the role. The science fiction aspect of the show is something I love, and a lot of the characters (The Doctor himself, his companions, and his villains) are interesting enough.

#15: Dexter’s Laboratory: For me, Dexter's Laboratory is a huge blast of nostalgia for me. The show is about a young boy with laboratory built in his bedroom, who constantly has to deal with his dimwitted sister Dee Dee, his oblivious parents, and his nemesis Mandark. Besides the great comedy within the series, I do have to compliment that the show was a starting point for some of the writers, including The Fairly OddParents' creator Butch Hartman and Seth MacFarlane.

#14: Avatar: The Last Airbender: Forget the Shyamalan movie, watch this show. The characters are layered and have depth. The three-season story has this fantastic epic feel to it. The animation is fantastic, as are the martial arts sequences.

#13: Daredevil / Jessica Jones: Honestly, I couldn't choose between these two. I tied them because I love them both. The episode to episode pace for both each feel like 13 hour movies. I understand and like the arcs for both heroes. Daredevil's Wilson Fisk (Vincent D'Onfrio) and Jessica Jones's Kilgrave (David Tennant) are among the Marvel Cinematic Universe's greatest villains, which makes me so happy considering how forgettable most of them are. Check these two shows out.

#12: Chip & Dale’s Rescue Rangers: Once again, I have to bring light to something I have nostalgia for. This is a show I haven't gotten the chance to see in years, but I still remember most of the theme song, as well as the team and their dynamic together, especially the character of Monterey Jack.

#11: Duck Tales: I'm not gonna lie, the show could easily be put on the list thanks to two characters, being Scrooge McDuck and Launchpad McQuack. These are the two characters I love and remember the most from the show. Of course, there is also the unbelievably catchy theme song. What else can I say but "Duck Tales, Woo-oo."

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Zoolander 2

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Zoolander 2 comes fifteen years after the first film (which is now cemented as a comedy classic). In many ways, that is something of a negative that hinders the movie, as opposed to helping it. In the movie, Derek Zoolander and Hansel are recruited by a woman played by Penelope Cruz who is with Interpol’s fashion division. They are tasked with finding the person who is killing the world’s pop stars. Ultimately, I wanted this movie to be good, I really did. The trailers had me laughing really hard. Here, Ben Stiller’s direction feels jumbled, and the writing feels like talented people now struggling to do what seemed to come naturally in the first movie. The plot becomes very convoluted. One of the problems I had with last year’s Ted 2 is a similar issue I had with this movie. The villains in the second film are just the villains rehashed from the first one. The jokes rarely seem to land. In my opinion, the funniest moments in the movie come from the plethora of celebrity cameos in the movie, the best of which has to be Kiefer Sutherland. There are a few funny gags here and there, but that isn’t nearly enough for me to call the movie good, and I was ultimately disappointed in the final result.

4 / 10

Friday, February 19, 2016

Hail, Caesar

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In Hail, Caesar, Josh Brolin plays a Hollywood fixer. He's the guy who makes sure the movie goes off without a hitch, and does everything in his power to make the studio look good. Things go awry for said studio when a big star played by George Clooney goes missing, and Brolin has to find him in order to save the movie. However, that really is only a small portion of the movie’s plot. There are a lot of characters and subplots in a movie. Now, there is a possibility that these things could tear the movie apart. But, because this movie is written, produced, and directed by the Coen Brothers, all of these elements really work. The cast is huge, filled some very talented people that, in addition to the previously mentioned Brolin and Clooney, includes the likes of Scarlett Johansson, Ralph Fiennes, Jonah Hill, and Channing Tatum (giving what may just be his best performance). The absolute standout in the movie has to be newcomer Alden Ehrenreich. This is a guy I want to see do more comedic roles in the future because he is absolutely hilarious here. The comedic timing of the script and the fact that all of the actors bring their A game really sell the movie, and make it work. That’s a good thing because there are points where the movie does start dragging a touch, though it doesn’t take away from how good I think the movie is. This is one of those movies where I feel the Coen Brothers are the only ones who could’ve possibly pulled this movie off. This is very much a Coen Brothers movie. If you aren’t a fan, this probably isn’t the one that’s going to pull you over. But, if you have liked their work in the past, then definitely check it out.

9 / 10

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

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Let me start off by saying this, I never read the book this movie was based. In a way, I’m kind of glad, mostly because I was able to view the movie without any real preconceived notions or hopes with what to expect. So, no, I can’t really say for sure whether or not this is a faithful adaptation. One of the first things I want to address is something I have fixed feelings about, the way they showed a couple of the violent moments near the beginning of the movie. On the one hand, the point of view shots that are seen through the zombies’ eyes are kind of cool, and not something they typically show. On the other hand, the violence feels a bit toned down, and I almost wonder if this movie would have been better suited with an R rating, mostly because while it isn’t impossible to make a PG-13 zombie movie work, it also isn’t easy. To me, it works better in the zombie point of view shots. It bugs me a little more when they’re showing the third person viewpoints thanks to the minimal blood. I do have a lot to compliment too. The cast is pretty solid. Though I will point out that I find Matt Smith, Charles Dance, and Lena Headey to have been underused. Some of the zombie attacks are actually entertaining even though I personally do think they could’ve benefitted from adding more blood. Everything in between was a little slow for my taste, though not necessarily bad.

7 / 10

Monday, February 15, 2016

Kung Fu Panda 3

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So, when I learned that Kung Fu Panda 3 was being pushed from December to January, I was a little worried. After all, January doesn’t have the greatest track record. Thankfully, I was proven 100% wrong. The movie was pretty much pushed back to avoid competition with Star Wars. For the most part, the jokes actually manage to land. Much like the previous film, Kung Fu Panda 3 progresses the story and characters forward. In this entry to the franchise, Po (voiced perfectly by Jack Black) must progress from student to teacher, and realize that even a master still has things to learn, and always can be more than who they think they are. Most of the supporting cast from the first two movies (save for James Hong and Angelina Jolie) get pushed to the sidelines. Thankfully, the three major franchise newcomers all should be commended. Bryan Cranston as the voice of Po’s birthfather Li Shan comes off as a warm, lovable goofball, as is Kate Hudson as the self-centered and egotistical Mei Mei. But the best is J.K. Simmons as the villain Kai, who is both funny and threatening at the same time. The animation is beautiful, especially the martial arts battles. I also love the dynamic between Po and his two fathers. I will admit that if there is but one flaw, the story is a bit formulaic, though that isn’t nearly enough to hinder a fantastic entry in DreamWorks’ catalogue.

9 / 10

Deadpool

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Deadpool was the movie I was looking forward to the most for this year. It makes me so happy to say that this movie delivered exactly what I wanted. Deadpool is absolutely hilarious, and incredibly violent. The sense of humor is vulgar, disgusting and crass (as it should be). Overall, the acting is pretty damn solid. I’ll admit that I don’t necessarily think Ed Skrein and Gina Carano are the greatest actors in the world, but they work well in their villainous roles. T.J. Miller and Leslie Uggams both make for good comic relief. But, the actor who works best in the movie is Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, no real surprise there. Reynolds as Deadpool is one of those casting choices that is utterly perfect, like Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark for example. I honestly like the way they are able to tell the origin story in the movie, and I even don’t mind the use of the origin story here, because as much as I love Deadpool, and I absolutely understand that he is a fan favorite among several of us comic fans, I don’t know if I’d put him on the same level as, say, Spider-man, Batman, or Superman. I absolutely loved this movie, but I do have to warn people that this is not a kids’ movie (as if the R rating wasn’t already a warning), so I recommend parents and children watch at their own discretion. Everyone else, don't even think about it and go watch this!

10 / 10

Friday, February 12, 2016

Norm of the North

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Norm of the North was released theatrically, so I'm sure that the quality of an animated movie about a twerking polar bear will reflect that. Oh, right. The movie's animation quality is complete and utter dogshit. Rob Schneider voices the main character, and I'm sure he's happy just to be getting work. This is easily one of the worst animated movies I have ever seen (admittedly I haven't seen all of Foodfight or those animated movies about the Titanic). The story is lazily and cheaply put together to make a quick buck, hence the whole hammered in environmental message. The voice acting and dubbing are equally poor. "You can't win an oscar for a commercial, but as long as it can sell condos we've done our job." a company marketing director voiced by Heather Graham says with the flattest, most soulless delivery possible. At points, the dubbing appears to be out of sync. This is also a movie designed specifically for children, so why are there so many references that children couldn't possibly understand, such as puberty jokes and a reference to Pretty in Pink. Besides that, part of the clear sign that writers of this movie clearly didn't care was the fact that Rob Schneider's Norm could speak human, but all the animals are understood in English. However, the difference is never explained, leaving one of the many gaping plot holes that make no sense. Objectively, there is no real redeeming quality to this movie, but if I had to give the movie the faintest leeway, I'll say this, it didn't really piss me off, mostly because I was expecting something truly awful.

0 / 10